The Sandwich Debt
by the100thfan
Summary: College, where priorities tend to be misplaced, emotions run wild and meals are energy drinks and sandwiches. Everybody goes crazy in college and Clarke is no exception. With all-nighters, due reports, homework, parties, weird friends and nightmares in the form of professors, the last thing Clarke needs is that one girl who can make her life even crazier.
1. The Debt

Clexa College AU (part 1: The Debt)

"Mmmmm!" I inhaled the sweet smell of the delicious feast before me, well a feast packed into one mouth-watering sandwich. I raised the tray with the plate containing the sandwich up to eye level. I looked at the proud creation of the kitchen employees, one in particular that I bribed to make my feast-sandwich for me. She owed me one, and this was the perfect favor to pull.

The hands on my shoulder snapped me out of my admiration of the great sandwich. Jasper urged me forward and led me toward our table. I looked up at him and with wide eyes and a grin and he looked down at me and furrowed his brow.

"Don't give me that look you just gave your sandwich Clarke. I feel like you're gonna eat me after you finish that. Or if Raven somehow screwed up the order, and God forbid put something in there not to your liking, that your stomach will still need something to fill it." His voice got low and his one eye widened.

"Pfft, for your sake let's hope this sandwich IS to my liking." I gave him a broad smile again and wiggled my eyebrows. He chuckled but his face was serious again the next second, raising his eyebrow at me again.

I could always give him the creeps even though the tip of my head barely reaches his chin and body size-wise, I had a little more meat on my bones. Jasper makes for a really enjoyable teasing target. I looked back at the splendid sight of my feast-sandwich and I try to not to just wolf it down right then and there. That's not very lady-like, but then who gives a shit. Who wants to be a "lady" anyway? Besides we were nearing our table already and Jasper called out to Monty, eyes glued to his laptop with books and a couple of notebooks scattered around him, no doubt catching up on homework or hacking into something somewhere. Just regular Monty stuff.

"Yo, Monty!" Jasper called again to catch his best friend's attention. When he failed to pry Monty's eyes from his laptop screen, he pushed past me to go ahead to the table. His shoulders hit mine and in turn I jerked my arm sideways. My sandwich! The plate slid to the edge of the tray and just before it could have completely flown off, I raised the tray to stop the motion. _Whooh! Nice save if I do say so myself._

"Shit! Jasper!" I shouted at his back. He turned to me and held up his hands. "Oooh, sorry Clarke!" He chuckled and turned again, toward our table.

 _Jerk._ I composed myself and let out a long sigh. _That was close, too close._ I repositioned the plate to the center of the tray, where it was safe. I took my step forward to the two boys, now laughing at me for going so slow. I didn't care. If someone else actually knocked off the plate with my precious still on it, might as well stab my heart right then and there.

Slowly but surely, I reached the table with the two laughing idiots. I narrowed my eyes at Jasper and gave him my sandwich stare. He stopped laughing and nudged Monty's side. He stopped laughing too and cleared his throat. Nothing like implied cannibalism to get them to stop. I chuckled and just one step away from the table, I leaned down to set my tray down when I felt something bump into me.

CRASH!

The plate broke when it hit the floor and I couldn't help dropping the tray. My jaw dropped open when I saw bread, egg, lettuce, ham and tomatoes scattered on the floor, along with the broken pieces of the plate. My body felt heavy and I kneeled down on the floor. I fought back tears and ignored the rumbling of my stomach, mourning the loss of what was supposed to be my first meal in two days.

I ran my hands over the remains of what used to be my feast-sandwich. The ketchup smeared on the floor and on the rest of the sandwich remains looked to me like a murder scene. In a sense it was, someone killed my sandwich and I was gonna make them pay – or at least for another sandwich.

I willed myself to stand up, in honor of my feast-sandwich – may it rest in peace. I turned around with all my strength and faced the perpetrator for this tragic crime.

"I'm sorry!" She said. The first thing I noticed were her green eyes. Then I saw her mouth, still and agape for a second then moving to speak words of apology again and again. She held up her hands and reached for my shoulder.

"Are you okay? Did you cut yourself?" Her hands travelled down to mine and I didn't realize they were balled into fists until she tried to pry them open. She checked my palms for injuries and gasped.

"Oh my god! You're hurt…" I tore my eyes away from her down to my open hands. I almost laughed.

"Oh," she chuckled a little, "it's just ketchup." She smiled at me, her eyes seemed to twinkle and I let myself stare for a second…okay maybe a little longer. When she didn't let go, I immediately drew my hands back from hers. I bit down the hunger and looked at her and narrowed my eyes. She furrowed her brow and frowned.

"I'm sorry, I really am…" she apologized again. I followed her eyes and she looked past me down to the murder scene behind me.

She hissed like she was the one hurt, her green eyes looked directly into mine and she bit her lip. I swallowed the lump in my throat I didn't know I had and straightened myself. _Think biting your lip all sexy like that with those puppy dog eyes gonna make— wait what? Since when did I think she was sexy? She murdered my feast-sandwich! Jesus Clarke! Can't you think straight for once? Revenge, think revenge!_

When she met my eyes again, I narrowed my eyes at her looked around. There was some people staring at us, wide-eyed and waiting for what will happen next. I looked to my left and Jasper and Monty were standing from their seats, with the same look a few others around me and the sandwich murderer had.

I reached for one of Monty's notebooks on the table and ripped a small piece of paper from the corner of a page. I grabbed a pen next to the laptop and wrote something on the piece of paper.

"Here." I pushed the small piece of paper in murderer girl's face. "That's the only break I have in-between classes tomorrow."

"Oh…okay." She stepped back a little and took the small piece of paper in my hand. When her fingers accidentally touched mine, I let go of the paper and drew back my hand. _Revenge Clarke, remember._

She looked from side to side at her friends-accomplices to the crime- who were just as bewildered as her. "I…uh, I don't really…"

I raised my eyebrow at her. "I'll be there," she said quickly. "You better be…" I huffed.

"You owe me a sandwich."


	2. Blood Must HaveKetchup

Part 2: Blood Must Have…Ketchup

"Nice going, _princess._ " Raven spat out with emphasis on the last word. I cringed, I hate being called that and she knows it. "Of course, you had to throw it away before you even took a bite. Tsk, and after all that fuss…" Raven grumbled on about her wasted effort as she swept the mess on the floor. I tuned out when I was reminded of the travesty that took place not half an hour ago. I crouched down under our table and looked for more broken pieces of the plate, I found one, beside one tomato slice, bloody with ketchup and the tears threatened to come again.

I sniffed. _You were taken way before your time feast-sandwich._ I tried to find the right words to say, I smiled. _Yu gon plei ste udon._

I picked up the broken piece along with the tomato slice. I stood up, all too quickly then the cafeteria was spinning. The dizziness made me clench my fists as I tried to steady myself then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay, princess?" I glanced to my side, toward the sound of the voice. I stared at Raven's huge eyes, with her brows furrowed together. If I wasn't mistaken, she actually looked concerned.

"I'm fine…" I could barely manage to say. I leaned against Raven. My hands felt a little wet, I looked down at them and saw red, the ketchup had spread to my whole palm. "Damn it Clarke, you're bleeding!"

I laughed, too much and too loud because I was gasping for air already. "Relax, Raven it's just ketchup." I laughed again, and I remember the other girl who thought I was bleeding.

"You're bleeding Clarke, I think I can tell blood from ketchup. I work in a kitchen? Of course, _you_ wouldn't know, I doubt you've ever had a cut in your life seeing as you're such a prin—"

My knees gave out, and suddenly it was all black.

* * *

My eyes opened wide as I felt a sting in my left cheek. I heard sighs around me and someone said, "She's alive!" followed by a slapping noise of what I could only imagine Monty and Jasper high-fiveing.

My head was spinning and my left check felt hot. I tried to feel it and the instant my fingers touched my cheek, it stung. "Did someone just slap me?"

"Griffin, glad you're back with us." I saw a wide grin on a heart-shaped face, I squinted and saw Raven with a smile from ear to ear plastered on her face. _There's the culprit._

I soothed my left cheek and stared daggers at Raven, but complaining would make her win. "Well I'd hate for you to lose your princess to torture." I smirked at her or at least tried, I was still a little dizzy it seems.

"Ha! Don't think I'm going easy on you because of your little fainting act!" She snapped.

"Act?" Jasper piped up. "Pfft, well, she really got the complete unresponsiveness and the blood-drained face down. We had to carry you here you know? Not to mention you weigh a ton."

"Which is weird since you haven't eaten for days, I guess it was a good thing you didn't get to eat that sandwich, huh?" Monty added with a grin.

I chuckled and they laughed. Raven reached out to squeeze my shoulder. I smiled at her and sat up. I squinted to get a better look around me. I was on a small, lumpy couch. We were in the little room just beside the kitchen where its crew used as a locker room/lounge area and where we sometimes hung out with Raven. The light in the room was dim which made the lockers off to the side and some boxes around look completely black. Raven was on my left, sitting at the table beside me and Jasper and Monty at the end of the couch. Monty was nodding his head at me, a smirk on his face while his best friend was grinning from ear to ear.

"What?" I asked the grinning fool and he chuckled which he quickly disguised into a fake cough. "You're being weirder than usual, Jasper. What, is there something on my face or something?" I placed my hands on my face, the bandage on my hand from the cut scratched me when I heard Raven giggle. I turned to her and saw she was holding back a laugh. When she saw me narrow my eyes at her, she looked away and bit her lip.

I looked back at Jasper and saw he was also doing the same. Monty smiled then shook his head and looked at me.

"Clarke…there's som—"

I then noticed the figure just behind Monty. She moved her head slowly from behind Monty's shoulder. Her wavy hair swayed as she stepped closer to the couch. Her green eyes were shining under the dim light of the room. It was that girl from before, the one from the cafeteria, the one who bumped into me and…and killed my sandwich. _Oh, it's her._

"Hi," she smiled at me. Just one corner of her lips curled up to emphasize her perfect rosy cheek.

 _Damn her smile. If she thinks she can just…_

"Here." She extended something in front of me. It was a wrapped burger and a big one from the looks of it. My stomach rumbled just looking at it. The sound was so loud everyone in the room heard it, I immediately covered my sandwich-deprived stomach. I looked around and the three idiots were biting their lips so hard to keep from laughing that they could draw blood.

"Umm, I came back to see if you were okay. You looked really pale before. I just thought that I should at least check on you after what happened with your, uh, sandwich. I'm really sorry about that by the way so I," she looked down at what she was holding, "I thought you might want this earlier than the time you said to meet but when I went back to the cafeteria then I saw one of your friends," she looked at Monty, "come in here so I followed him and then I saw you on the couch."

Her eyebrows furrowed, she tilted her head slightly and she stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"I…uh…" I couldn't speak, she looks so worried. I cleared my throat. "I… I'm fine, I guess." I tried my best to smile. She raised her eyebrows and gave me a small smile. I smiled back only this time it wasn't so hard.

Someone cleared their throat and my mind snapped back to the room, suddenly remembering we were not alone.

"I hate to interrupt…you guys but now that we know Clarke here is all good, I have to get back to work." Raven grabbed my arm and helped me up. She held my shoulders and facing me then she exaggerated a wink and slapped my arm. I could barely make a sound from the pain before she quickly turned me around to face other girl. Her face was way too near me and I could see her up close. The sea green color of her eyes was a perfect match to the flesh tone of her face. Her hair was brown with subtle, lighter highlights which hung on the sides of her face.

Wow, this girl is beautiful.

Her eyes wrinkled at the sides and her cheeks rose and I realized she was smiling at me. I also realized I've been staring at her.

I stepped back, way back and looked everywhere except her. I cleared my throat and managed to let out a weird laugh. _God, like I need another reason to look like an idiot._ _Now would be a great time to interrupt me Jasper._

Nothing.

I looked around and there was no one else in the room. _They left me! What the fuck! Oh, I am gonna kill them!_

I took a deep breath and looked at her. We were just staring at each other. The silence and space between us was keeping me safe, not even my no doubt already developing ulcer could distract me. _Say something Clarke! For the love of God, think!_

After a moment, she crossed the space between us. She approached me and held out her hand. Breaking the silence, she said,

"My name is Lexa. I believe I owe you a sandwich… Clarke."


	3. Bodyguard Of Fries

Part 3: Bodyguard of Fries

I rested my chin on my palm and let out a yawn. My eyes got blurry the way they sometimes do after I yawn. I rubbed my eyes. _Wow, body, so just because you're finally full, you're gonna make me sleepy now too? Well don't because midterms are coming up for this class and I'll be damned if I sleep through grumpy ol' Ms. Indra's last lecture before the test._

I sat up straight and stretched my arms on the desk. I squinted at the board and try to decipher the hieroglyphs Ms. Indra called her handwriting. _It's no use. She must have learned some unique kind of stenography just to use it to spite her students who even think of copying notes in her class._ It didn't help that she's writing in another language and the slight pain from the cut on my hand prevented me from writing properly anyway. I sighed and leaned back, slumping in my seat. _Great, I can see a big fat F. Funny how I suddenly become clairvoyant when it comes to failing._

I closed my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My hands traveled to my stomach and my mind somewhere else.

 _Man, that was a great meal._

* * *

"Here, I think this is well overdue." She slid the wrapped food in front of me. My eyes landed on the wrinkled, white wax paper wrapping my substitute feast sandwich. I licked my lips and tried my best not to drool. I looked up at her slowly. She smiled at me and nodded. I couldn't help but grin at her. She laughed a little and said, "Go ahead, Clarke." She curled her lips, and I noticed even more now how red they are and I don't even think she's wearing lipstick, or any make up at all. Realizing that, I stared at her longer, not believing what I saw. _There's something I want_ to ea—

 _Wait. What the hell did I just…_

I snapped out of that weird thought and looked back down at the burger. _God, how hunger can make you think._ I unwrapped it and it was glorious. It even looked almost as good as the ones you see on commercials. I picked it up and took a big bite.

I close my eyes to savor the flavors swimming in my mouth. "Mmmm, my gosh! Thish ish delishous!" I chewed while I spoke and I heard a chuckle. I opened my eyes and saw something had catapulted from my mouth and had landed on the table. I looked at the half chewed glob and my eyes darted up to see how she'd react. She was leaning her chin on her palm, looking at me and pursing her lips, she was trying her best not to laugh. I put down the burger and wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist.

"Sorry about that, you must think I'm some crazy person with no manners or something. Being all dramatic about some sandwich and now spitting in your face with half-chewed food." I looked down at the table and looked for something to wipe the disgusting glob.

"Clarke."

I looked up and saw she was frowning. "What?" I asked.

"Clarke, you fainted. You fainted because I knocked your sandwich to the floor. I wasn't looking where I was going. I heard from your friend, that girl? That it was a special sandwich or something. The other two also said you three have been so busy with a project, you've hardly had anything to eat than granola bars and energy drinks. It's completely understandable if you forget table manners right now." Her eyes didn't meet mine.

I almost reached out to her to tell her it wasn't her fault, that all of it was silly but stopped myself short. _It_ _ **was**_ _her fault, Clarke, sandwich murderer, remember? Revenge and all that? A delicious substitute burger won't replace poor feast sandwich…even if it is so incredibly delicious… and I'm starving…and… ugh, let's face it,_ _ **Raven**_ _made feast sandwich._ **Raven** _. It could've given me food poisoning or something._

"Hey."

She looked up at me. Her cute eyebrows furrowed and she had a little frown on her face.

 _Damn, even sad, she's beautiful…_

"I said you owed me a sandwich and a sandwich you delivered. Well, technically you gave me a burger, which maybe better—but anyway the way I see it, we're even." I reassured her. I gave her a smile and she gave me one back. _There it is… I wanna see that smile._

"So, thank you…L-Lexa."

I didn't know if it was the starvation, but I thought I saw her face light up when I said her name. It felt good saying it. I wanted to say it more.

I smiled to myself. _This girl is going to give me an ulcer._

I didn't care.

* * *

In the end, I never got to eat much of the burger, much to my stomach's disappointment. I just happened to have found a better remedy for my hunger. I chuckled to myself.

"Care to share to us what you find so interesting up there, Miss Griffin?"

I jolted upright and faced the front of the room. My eyes focused on the cold and stoic face that was staring directly at me. I shrank into my seat as Ms. Indra waited for me to speak. Nothing but incoherent sounds left my mouth and a quick look around the room made me feel as small as an ant right then. No one dared look at me. Everybody else was either looking down suddenly finding their notebooks full of scribbles, attempting to take notes or staring directly at the board – which was how everyone in class knew you can keep her from calling you out. And you DO NOT want to get called out in her class. Everyone knows that, _I_ knew that and for the better part of the semester I have kept that vital piece of classroom survival info in mind. _Why the hell did I start forgetting that now?_

Lexa.

"Fuck." I said under my breath. _Think._ "There's uh… um… the light was flickering and I – it's just hard to take notes when the…uh… light…flickering…" I ended up whispering. I closed my eyes, realizing how stupid that was. _Really though? The lights? I know a certain part-time mechanic that would be rolling her eyes to the back of her head when she hears this flimsy excuse._

She looked up at the ceiling. _Now, I'm screwed. Why? Because there wasn't even a light right above me! She knows it and now she's gonna kill me._

"Is that so…?" The way she said it felt so slow to me I could've sworn just saying it, she's already made a detailed plan on how to make this class a living hell for me…or just kill me.

She walked around her desk and reached inside a drawer. _Oh god, what they said was real. She keeps a dagger in there in case she needs to throw it at any student who thinks her Native Languages class is an easy A and r_ ight now, _that student is me._

I gulped and my eyes followed her hands, waiting to see what she'll pull out of her secret armory/ drawer. _Oh god she's gonna pull out a dagger and throw it at me or maybe something else much worse… hmm, I dunno the rumors kind of vary._ I braced myself and wondered how good my reflexes are.

I glanced around me and saw that the other people in my class had their eyes glued to the front. Wondering if they were going to confirm a rumor and be witnesses to a murder. I was sweating and a noise bothered me. Either everybody's heart was beating so loud or my own was drowning out everything else. I forced myself to look at my possible future murderer.

It's a book. In her hands is a thin hardbound book. _Shit, she's gonna slap me in the face with her thesis._

Then the bell rang.

I heard heavy sighs fill the room. While everybody hustled to put their stuff into their bags, stood up and quickly left the room, I stayed behind. _Better get the killing/slapping over with._

I grabbed my notes-ridden notebook and stuffed it into my bag, and slowly climbed down from the elevated platform at the back of the room where I was sitting. I approached Ms. Indra. Up close, I could see her jaw clenched and glassy eyes staring right at me. _No witnesses, smart. Now she's really going to pull out her dagger._

"This isn't the most exciting class…I know. I'm not an idiot Griffin. But my students usually have enough sense to at least pretend to pay attention." She clenched her jaw tighter.

"I didn't mean t—"

"Do you know why they say this class is known as a "sure pass" one?" She interrupted.

"I…" It just dawned on me then, _why does everybody say this class is an easy A when the teacher handling it is freaking terrifying?_

"Because it is." My thoughts were interrupted and my face scrunched up trying to understand what she just said. "You need just one of two things to pass this class, most have one and only few have the other."

"I rarely fail my students. The ones I do are the ones that stop showing up when they can't take the way I handle this class. Those students fail because they stop fighting."

"This class has dwindled down to a quarter after the first week and down to half after the first test." She continued. I felt a little proud. _I was one of the few who stayed._

"I give the passing grade to the students that do stay till the end, but just the passing grade. I haven't found anyone who deserved higher than that in a while, until now." She handed me the book in her hands.

"Ask yourself, which one of the two things you have."

I took it off her hands and she moved back to her desk and started gathering her things. I looked down and examined what I was holding.

"Don't lose it," she said as she walked past me towards the doorway.

I glanced at her and said, "Thank you."

She turned her head and said, "Don't thank me yet." Then she left.

I followed her out soon after I realized that the most terrifying teacher on campus just gave me her own version of a pep talk.

* * *

"And then what?!" Jasper's face lunged closer to mine and I had to back away.

"Was it true? Does she really have a drawer full of daggers? Did she throw one at you? How was her aim? I heard she hunts with arrows and knives. Real old school…" Monty was nodding and I always wondered how he can speak that fast.

I stared at them and chewed my food. They were both looking at me wide-eyed, eager to hear what had happened in my Native Languages class. Apparently they heard it from some of my traitor classmates who left me to fend for myself when they scrambled to get the hell out of dodge. They even had the time to gossip to the whole campus about me getting caught day dreaming in Professor Indra's class.

Not seconds after I was out of the room, the two boys grabbed me and dragged me off to hear the whole story. I took another handful of fries and put them in my mouth and chewed slowly. The two drew even closer.

I rolled my eyes and swallowed. "Do you think any of the things you heard happened if I'm still here in one piece?"

"I don't know, you tell us…" Monty trailed off and glared at me. Jasper nodded in agreement.

I pushed away my plate of fries and said, "Nothing happened okay? I just got caught _day dreaming_ in Indra's class! Jeez." I was exasperated with these two. _Why can't I just enjoy a meal without interruptions?_

"Well, well! How the mighty have fallen!" Jasper opened his mouth wide, pretending to be shocked at my confession. "Clarke Griffin, day dreaming… in class no less! That is so unlike you!" He looked to his best friend.

Monty was shaking his head. "Mm, mm! Never thought I'd see the day, did you Jasper?" He glanced beside him. "Why, no Monty. Never did I think goody two shoes student Clarke Griffin, who'd rather practically not eat for not one – but _two_ days straight just to get extra credit for a project that's not even due until finals, would be caught being no less than _perfect_."

I exhaled and clenched my fists. He made a big show out of what he said, raising his hands and speaking his words like someone would if they were in a play or something. It made my blood boil. _Somebody's gonna get punched._

Monty rubbed his chin again and mimicked Jasper. "Exactly, my friend. Hmm… I wonder _what_ could ever have made her get so…" He stopped as if to search for a word, "Sloppy?"

"Or in this case, _who_?" Jasper continued. They smiled mischievously.

My heart pounded. If I was eating right now, I'd have choked. My need to punch them was replaced with the need to hide from their annoying habit of seeing right through me. _I hate them, they didn't ask all those stupid questions to know what happened, they asked to get to the reason_ _ **why**_ _that happened. They wanted me to admit it._

I was distracted. That never happens. Especially not because of someone. Someone like her.

I sighed and slumped in my seat. "Ugh!" I put up my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands but not even that could hide me from the fact that… that I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, that girl…she made me throw away my sandwich. I couldn't help but smile.

I finally put down my hands and saw the two guys in front of me. Their smiles weren't teasing, they looked happy.

Monty reached out and laid a hand on my forearm while Jasper shook his head and chuckled.

"What's her name?" Monty asked.

I looked at him. I thought he already knew. They were the ones who told her where I was when I fainted. _She didn't introduce herself… huh…she was too worried about m—_

I smiled.

"Lexa… her name's Lexa."

Monty smiled and nodded and looked at Jasper. "Haha!" They said to each other and laughed. They both raised their hands and I thought they were gonna high five but they both high fived themselves with their other hand.

 _There's that stupid high-five sort of handshake again. Tsk, I hate spilling my guts, especially to them. These two just have a world of their own._

After they decided to leave their bromance moment for a while, they leaned closer, put their elbows on the table and narrowed their eyes. They both smiled mischievously again and together they said,

"Tell us everything."


	4. Spacewalker

Part 4: Spacewalker

"What're we talking about?"

My eyes darted to Raven, standing over us. I looked, how long has she been standing there? "W-what're you doing here?" I asked.

Without answering my question, she sat beside me in our booth, across Jasper and Monty. She reached for the plate of fries I pushed away and looked at the three of us, smiling. I gave her a disapproving look that she seemed oblivious to. She was too busy eating _my_ fries _._ I grabbed the plate away from her before she could finish it all and leave me with nothing.

"Hey! I was eating that!" She yelled at me and tried to take the plate back. I swatted her arm away. "And now, you're not." She tried to reach for them again but before she could get her grubby hands on _my_ fries, I stuffed the remaining deep fried potato sticks into my mouth.

There were a lot more than I thought there would be but I had to eat them all before she could. _Okay maybe this wasn't such a good idea Clarke._ My gag reflex was going to kick in if I didn't chew properly. "Do you need water or something?" Monty asked, he saw me struggling with all the fries I stuffed in my mouth.

"Nrk." I tried to say no but by then my jaw felt like it was going to give out on me. I had a hard time not choking and had to close my eyes just to concentrate on not letting Raven eat my fries. It was a matter of pride now.

Jasper was now laughing and Monty handed me a glass of water but I held up my hand in protest "Mmm!" _See? I'm fine and enjoying my fries._ I turned to Raven so that she could see me enjoying what she _thought_ were her fries but all I saw was the back of her phone and her smile behind it.

My heart dropped and I stopped chewing. _Oh! Raven you BITC—_

"Here we see a girl stuffing her face with a plate-full of fries in an effort to _not_ share with her friends." She zoomed in closer to my mouth. "You can see her bloated mouth overflowing with the juices of her greed." Jasper and Monty let out a laugh but stopped when I turned to them, seriously trying to kill them with my stare. I looked backed at Raven, she was still recording my shame. I covered my mouth and turned my back to her and started chewing so fast like my life depended on it, well, at this point it did.

"Now she realizes the shame of her actions and tries to hide it by turning away from her friends." Raven narrated. I urged myself not to just spit what I was chewing in her face and concentrated until I finally swallowed the last of it. I slowly turned to them, what's left of my dignity intact. They were all looking at me, Raven's phone included, waiting or expecting for me to lose my shit. I cleared my throat but apparently I didn't chew well enough and I started choking. I couldn't stop coughing. "Clarke!" Monty grabbed the glass of water again and handed it to me. I reached for it and drank it like I've been in a desert for days instead of having just unwittingly tried to kill myself with potatoes.

I downed the drink and it felt so good to escape death. I sat back and breathed in and out as hard as I could.

"Are you okay?" I raised my eyes to see Jasper, taking time out of laughing and now showing concern. I moved my head in an effort to nod.

I turned to Raven, she put down her phone. "I call it," she waved her hands in the air. "'Greedy princess, choked to death on fries'… well almost." She grinned.

 _That's it!_

I mustered the life left in me to lunge at her and reach over and grab her phone. No one's seeing me wolf down a plate of fries, no sir!

"Clarke!" Jasper and Monty shouted. They reached across the booth, Jasper pulling Raven away and Monty grabbing my arms before I got the chance to reach her phone.

It took all my strength to fight off Jasper and Monty. I was still reaching for Raven's phone.

"Clarke, stop!" Monty shouted. "Jesus Clarke, you're strong!" Jasper added. Raven laughed, she didn't even move away from my hands, she even dangled her phone closer, but just out of my reach.

"Let me go!" I yelled at them. They pulled at me harder but the fact that Raven could still laugh and even taunt me right now fueled my anger even more. The guys were getting harder to fight off and my hands got farther away from their target. They finally got me to sit back down, they let me go and sat back on their side of the booth, panting. I leaned back, just catching my breath but not taking my eyes off Raven. "I have absolutely no doubt this will go viral." She gave me the most innocent smile and that moment, I just saw red.

KLING.

"You're dead!" I growled at her and in one last attempt, I charged at Raven.

"Clarke…?"

My body froze the second I recognized the voice, the desire to murder Raven phone was gone as soon as I heard it. I glanced to my left and there she was. My eyes immediately saw her green ones. My field of vision unfocused on her eyes and I saw her whole face now. Her mouth was a little open, her eyebrows knotted. "L-Lexa…I…" That moment I remembered there were other people in the diner. I looked around, everyone was looking at us, at me. My hands still halfway towards Raven. The sudden realization of the noise, we, _I_ was causing made my mind go blank. _Oh god Clarke… they're looking at you…_ _ **she's**_ _looking at you…_ I withdrew my hands and sat back, properly this time.

I looked to Lexa then at Raven who was also staring right at me. "We were just kidding around," Raven said to Lexa then chuckled and widened her eyes at Jasper and Monty. They chuckled too and this made me join in the awkward laughter.

"Oh okay," Lexa nodded, then she walked away with her friends following after her.

I sighed and glanced at Raven. She saved me by filling the silence. She winked at me, subtle this time. I looked around and it seemed that the diner had gotten over our little ruckus, just ignoring us no doubt, a group of college kids causing trouble is quite common around here. Then I felt a nudge.

"What?" I muttered.

I still felt a little embarrassed and didn't want look anywhere in the direction where Lexa went. So I focused on the empty plate of fries. _My undoing._ Raven nudged me again. "What?!" My voice got a little louder and I regretted it immediately. A quick look around to see if anyone was looking my way showed that no one heard me, in fact not even my friends _and_ Raven was looking my way. They were looking at the far side of the counter. Our booth was on the opposite side so I couldn't see clearly what the three of them were looking at. I had to peer over Raven and shift in my seat so I could raise myself up and look where their rapt attention was. There were three girls with their backs to us. My eyes instantly went to the one with light brown and wavy hair draped behind her.

I sat back down like my butt was metal and the booth seat was a magnet. I looked at Jasper, he was now looking at me, a stupid grin on his face. My heart started beating faster. I slowly let my eyes go back to watching the counter again only this time I was hiding behind Raven's head, _there's one good thing about her, her big head, easy to hide behind from…her… God forbid she sees me looking…_ The girls at the counter all laughed. _Maybe she told a joke and it was funny… she's funny. I wish she'd tell me a joke…_

She turned her head. I froze. She looked over her shoulder slowly or was it just me seeing her move in glorious slow motion…her eyes met mine. My heart felt like it stopped. I tried to look away but somehow I couldn't. She turned her head back.

She caught me staring. _Shit._

"Ohohoho…? Is that how it is?" Raven chuckled. I looked beside me and saw the look on her face. _Oh no, I know that look. If I saw that head turn and stare, she must have seen it too. Damn, what's Raven gonna do now? If I know anything about that girl, she's probably going to do something like—_

She stood up and walked to the counter. My jaw dropped. "Raven!" I whispered and tried to grab her hand and pull her back to the booth but I couldn't reach her.

I leaned across the table. "Guys! Stop her! Before she does something stupid!" I tried as hard as I could not to shout at Jasper and Monty.

"I think we all know that when Raven's made up her mind, no one's gonna stop her. Besides, I haven't seen her do this in a while." Monty said to me all the while looking at Raven march right up to Lexa and her friends.

"Made up her mind? See her do what?!" I kept my voice as low as I could but my panic wasn't helping.

"Just watch Clarke…" Jasper answered. He pointed past me and I looked where he was pointing.

Raven was at the counter talking to the girls, paying special attention to Lexa, She might've been talking to all three of them but from my angle, it looked like Lexa was the only one she was facing. _Hey._

Then they laughed and the three girls nodded their heads.

Raven looked back at us, flashed a smile and winked. That wink was for me…I just know it. I shivered. _I have a bad feeling about this._

Raven's smile was starting to annoy me so I looked instead at Lexa. She was smiling at me. Again with that smile of hers… one corner of her lips curled, a soft look on her face but eyes holding my gaze.

Again I couldn't look away… not that I wanted to.

I wasn't nervous anymore, thanks to her. Her smile was making my heart beat slower now, filling it up with a whole other feeling. I managed to smile back.

Lexa's face was suddenly covered by a moving palm. _What the—_

Then I heard a snap. "Helloooo, Clarke… you in there…?" Raven was moving her palm up and down in front of my face. I shook my head and swatted her hand away. She snapped her fingers and said, "Can you stop your googley eyes for a second? God!" She scolded me. She was now standing over the booth. I looked up at her. Her hands were at her hips and she had an annoyed look on her face. "You done?" She asked.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. I was a little sad I wasn't looking at Lexa anymore. I tried to turn back but Raven snapped her fingers again. "Pay attention, princess!"

Jasper and Monty laughed, my head snapped to look them and I shot them a look. I did the same to Raven.

She rolled her eyes and so did I but I stopped mid-eyeroll because she slammed her hands on the table, making the empty glass and plate jump slightly in the air.

Reflexes made me hold out my hands to stop anything from falling off the table. I opened my mouth to say something, no, shout something at Raven but she interrupted me. "As I was saying… get your shit together people, we've got a lot of things to do."

"What things?" I asked.

I was ignored and Raven started barking orders. She pointed at Monty. "Monty, food and booze."

"Got it." Monty saluted.

Raven turned to Jasper. "Jasper, atmosphere. That means music and lights, you can even have decorations, I don't care, just clean the place up and make the it ready to be partied in, got it?"

"Wait, what? You're throwing a party?" I piped up again.

"Got i— hey wait a minute! You just want me to clean up your apartment!" Jasper protested.

Raven held out her hand. "Do you want me to invite her or not?"

Jasper closed his mouth then said, "You got it boss!"

"Good," Raven continued, "I'll do the guest list and…" She turned to me.

"Save your orders, Raven. I'm not coming. I'm too busy." I spoke before she could even dump party planning tasks on me that I don't have time to do.

"Thanks for inviting us, Clarke."

I looked up and Lexa and her two friends were standing over me. She was beside Raven, who had a sly smile on her face. _Oh no she didn't… she did!_

"I-uh…" I looked from Raven to Lexa and back again. "Y-yeah. I...uh, haha. Yeah, thanks for coming! I-I mean accepting! Accepting _my_ invitation to _my_ party…" I looked at Raven and stared daggers at her all the while smiling. Then I looked somewhere else before I discover telekinetic firestarting powers, "…that I didn't know I was having until a few seconds ago…" I muttered.

"What…?" Lexa asked.

"Oh nothing!" I faced her and tried to laugh but it came out like a nervous chuckle. I plastered on the most believable smile I could at Lexa. I glanced at Raven, she had her thumbs up, nodded at me and mouthed, "You're doing great."

I kept smiling, not minding that I probably looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Um…yeah, haha. Thanks…again." She smiled at me, but not like her smile before. She and her friends waved at us as they left the diner. The bell attached to the door of the diner rang again as the door closed.

My heart felt heavy.

Raven sighed. "Whooh! Well that was… not awkward." Raven's sarcasm didn't annoy me at that moment. I was too bothered by that smile.

"Well!" Raven clapped her hands. "Shall we? We have a party to throw, in…" she turned and looked at the clock near the door,"…three hours!" She laughed. "Yeah! Let's Do This!" Monty and Jasper cheered and high fived. At least they're challenged by the fact that they have to throw a spontaneous party, me on the other hand…

"So, Clarke, you going to throw this party with us or not?" Raven was looking at me with a look I know all too well, she's got her game face on.

I re-evaluated my life choices up to now and thought how I ended up with friends like them. I shook my head and sighed, accepting my fate.

I smiled at the three of them. "What do I have to do?"


	5. Unity Day

Part 5: Unity Day

I closed my eyes as I drag my hand through my hair and sigh for the millionth time. As if this homework was going to magically make itself if I let out enough air through my nose as begrudgingly as possible and slump my shoulders enough times. I opened my eyes and noticed, at the edge of my desk, the thin, hard-bound book Prof. Indra gave me.

Opening it, I saw that inside it were all of my papers from the first quiz to the last before midterms. I was surprised she kept them, I heard she threw the unclaimed ones out if the owner was absent on the day they were returned. As I recall, I was absent on that day… but she didn't throw them out. I looked at the scores on the upper right corner of the papers and smiled to myself. _Congrats, Clarke, you got all passing marks._

I sighed again and this time it felt heavier. _Why am I not jumping with joy right now? Oh, I don't know… maybe because she didn't just give me my papers_ _back, she gave me a project to sweeten the pot too!_

I leaned back in my desk chair and looked up at the ceiling. I chuckled. This was exactly what I was doing when she caught me. I dug my own grave that day.

"Trigadesleng Literary Anthology," I read the writings on the cover of the hard bound book out loud. I took out my papers and leafed through the book and I couldn't help but leave my mouth a little open. It was a collection of short stories and poems in Trigadesleng. I looked at the names at the bottom of each page and there were the names of the people who made them. _The poor saps who got caught daydreaming in her class too probably, saps who incidentally happened to be the best ones in it too._ I read the words and was surprised I could understand them quite well. _Huh, guess just listening to Indra was all I needed to learn everything she was trying to teach in her class. Notes on the details of words and how they were used didn't matter as much, not that I could take notes anyway._

I continued reading and found them actually quite good. They were about the most random things, just thoughts and dreams their writers had.

I read on until I got to the last one, it was a poem. I noticed the name below. It was Lexa's.

My heart started beating faster as the name registered on my mind. The accelerating beat of my heart made me sweaty all over as I started to read the first line on the page.

"Weakness."

 _Hmm…_ I mulled over what she could mean by weakness, she did make it the title after all. I started reading the first lines. I shifted in my seat to ignore the question on my mind. _When did my room got so hot?_ But it wasn't the room's sudden humidity. I started feeling…weird. I realized that reading this could be like seeing what's inside her head, even her soul. This poem could be an outlet of whatever emotion she could've felt before, whatever it was that made her feel weak. Then I too started thinking what could make me feel weak. The first thing that popped into my head was her. _She makes me feel weak._

I took a deep breath and let myself think for a minute that this very poem could be about the person she loves…or loved.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and buried the little ache I felt, I continued reading the poem when my mind stopped on one word.

"…death"

BOOM!

I jumped in my chair and dropped the book on the floor. I placed a hand on my chest in an effort to try and calm my heart down and make sure I don't die of a heart attack at nineteen induced by an idiot practically breaking down my door, interrupting me from my…reading.

"Goddammit Raven, what the hell?!" I shouted at her.

"Me? I should be shouting at you!" She looked genuinely pissed at me for shouting at her which made my blood boil. Again.

"Uh, you were the one who stormed in here like the feds about to bust a drug den!" I shouted back.

"Stormed in? Hey, I knocked! You were the one too busy to let me in." She pointed her finger at me then started looking around my room. "What were you doing anyway? It didn't sound like you were listening to anything from outside…" She narrowed her eyes at me. "You don't happen to have a… _our friend_ in here somewhere by any chance, do you? She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Wha- what? Oh no! God no!" _Ugh, this girl is unbelievable._

"Well, then what on earth are you still doing, not dressed and not ready for the party?" She asked, waving her hand in my direction.

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"Really? You just left my place, not half an hour ago!" Raven sighed.

 _Crap! I totally forgot to get dressed for the party. I got sidetracked by Lexa's poem._

"I thought I had a few minutes to… you know catch up on some stuff? Since I know this party's gonna be a long one…" I didn't meet Raven's eyes. It's bad enough I find out that I have short attention span, I don't need her judgey eyes on me too.

I looked down and saw the book thrown under my desk. _That's right, the poem._

I got off the chair and crawled under and reached for it. When I came back up, Raven was standing close to me. I held up the book to cover her face judging me for not being ready for the party yet. _Not my fault I'm not a party animal, unlike her._ She snatched it away from me and read the cover.

"Ha! So it was true!" She bent over, laughing. I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. "Give it back, Raven." I tried to reach for the book but she straightened herself and took a step back. She wiped a finger under her eye and said, "So, the princess got caught daydreaming in Indra's class huh?" She shook her head at me. I rolled my eyes again and grabbed the book as fast as I could but she was too fast. She pulled it away. "Raven! God! Don't be so childish!" I yelled. My blood was certainly about to condense because it was boiling hot. I wondered what would happen if it got so hot that it turned into gas… _maybe I'd explode. HA! Then Raven would die along with me. A good consolation for my untimely death._

I tried again. She handed it to me, I reached for it then she pulled it away again and giggled. _SHE GIGGLED._ I balled my fists and closed my eyes. _I AM GOING TO KILL HER._

 _Stop Clarke!_ I counted to ten in my head. _Deep breaths Clarke, deep breaths._

When I regained my sanity, I fought the urge of murder and willed my blood to not cause my explosion, I said, slowly, "Raven, give it to me."

She wiggled her eyebrows and smirked. "Oh, I'll give it you, alright." She winked.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." _That's it. I am officially done with this…this…GAAAAAAAH!_

Raven was laughing again and I turned my back to her. I rubbed my forehead and took deep breaths. I could feel years being shaved off of my life.

"Oh… oh, hahaha oh, Clarke—" She tried to speak but apparently annoying the shit out of me proved far too entertaining.

"Forget the party, just get the hell out Raven." I sat down on my chair and started to swivel away from her when she said,

"You're kidding right _?_ Have you forgotten this is _your_ party? Because I know a certain someone who _you_ invited that would be really disappointed if you ended up a no-show…"

I stomped my feet on the floor to stop in mid-swivel. _It's not too late to back out is it? I mean people throw parties and not go to them all the time! Right?_

Even when I wasn't looking at Raven, I could feel a smirk on her face. She continued, "Put on the dress your fairy godmother gave you and get your ass ready Cinderella. You have a ball to attend and there's a princess waiting to dance with you."

* * *

"Look who's here!" Jasper and Monty greeted me with pats on my shoulders and I flinched. This party has just started a little while ago and the two already smelled like they were doused with beer. "I'll go and get you a drink." Monty volunteered, I wanted to tell him I didn't want any but he was already lost in the crowd.

"Come on." Jasper said. I had to keep a straight face when Jasper led, more like squeezed me, to the center of the room. The place was packed! I could hardly recognize Raven's apartment that I helped prepare not an hour ago.

"Told you it would look better once the party started." Jasper gave me a lopsided grin as he showed me his decorations for the party which were pretty much just moved tables to the side to allocate for a dance floor, and kegs – kegs everywhere. I looked around and nodded my head then turned to him.

"Where's the food?" I asked. He opened his mouth but didn't speak. His eyes widened.

"Really? You _forgot_ the food? Not even a couple bowls of chips or something?" I rolled my eyes then shook my head.

"Wha— but…I." He looked around the room frantically. "R-Raven kept saying 'beer', so I-I guess that's what I made sure to bring and forgot about everything else." He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his grin now gone. I chuckled, he looked like a kid who was told Christmas wasn't going to come this year. He looked really proud and excited, even a little nervous when we were "decorating" which really just meant rearranging the "minimalist" furniture in Raven's apartment an hour ago.

"Haha, relax Jasper. It's just knowing you, _Monty's_ best friend and in charge of the food and stuff, I thought you'd at least come up with a tray of _baked_ brownies or something." I joked, trying to make him feel better then I wiggled my eyebrows and smirked at him and his eyes got so wide, I was worried they'd pop out. His mouth fell wide open and he covered it with his hand.

His shock made me realize something. "Wait…"I narrowed my eyes and raised a finger, trying to recall what I heard Raven say back at the diner. " _Do you want me to invite her or not?"_

"Ohhhh! Is this why you've been so twitchy since we left the diner and why you were so pumped up when I was helping you clean this place up?" I grinned at him. "I mean look at you, you've probably drank a whole keg just to calm your nerves and I'm guessing you've probably had more outfit changes than actors doing a play." I looked at him from head to toe, hair styled to the perfect just-got-out-of-bed look, buttoned up shirt, denim pants and matching kicks that differed from his usual hoodie and jeans get up. I started laughing and he started panicking.

"Clarke, you gotta help me! This is bad, really bad! I didn't realize it until now! I mean, you're right, how could _I_ of all people forget to bring brownies to a party? BROWNIES!" He shouted. He had his hands on my shoulders and shook me. I couldn't stop laughing, the other thing I liked seeing in Jasper, aside from fear of my cannibalism jokes is the complete and utter loss of functionality when it comes to girls.

"Did somebody say…brownies?" I turned around and there was Monty, red cup in one hand and a tupperware on the other. "Here you go, Clarke." He handed me the red cup. I took it and smiled. "Thanks."

"And some _fudge_ dessert for you." Monty handed Jasper the plastic container. He winked at his best friend then smiled at me.

Jasper took the plastic box. "Is this…?" He grinned.

Monty just wiggled his eyebrows.

"HAHA!" Jasper raised his hands and hugged Monty, pulled away then high fived him. It was their special high five again but this time, Jasper slapped the container of brownies instead of his hand. "Never doubt my friend." Monty added. "Never." Jasper replied.

"So has our guest of honor arrived yet?" Monty asked, taking one of the brownies and popping an entire square of it in his mouth. Jasper did the same thing and they both smiled at each other, showing their teeth stained with chocolate.

"Hmph, I don't think the host has even arrived yet." I sighed, remembering the grief Raven gave me for being ready for the party and then ditching me the second I stepped out of my room.

"Well, technically, _you_ threw this party Clarke, not Raven." Monty said, raising his voice a little. The noise was starting to build up as more and more people arrived and started talking to the ones inside.

"Yeah, a party _I_ threw that _she_ invited _everyone_ to, that's happening in _her_ apartment." I shook my head at the logic Raven had sometimes in her head. It's a mystery to me how she's an engineering major. It irked me to think where it was she went, I gulped down the entire cup of beer. _I'm in a party, might as well act like it._

"Whooh! Go Clarke!" The two guys cheered.

 _Bad idea._ Monty almost filled up the cup to the top! They were cheering so I felt like chugging the whole cup. _Ugh, why do I always put things in my mouth without thinking how much there is?_ I swallowed hard. The taste of the beer exploded in my taste buds. The taste which I never really liked and always wondered how everyone in this whole room could stomach.

 _Suck it up Clarke! You're in college aren't you? College kids are supposed to party and get wasted instead of just staying in their dorm rooms and being good little students and getting good grades and making mommy and daddy proud. This is what we do!_

 _Isn't it?_

I let the taste of alcohol settle in my mouth. I felt sick. _Oh who was I kidding, I hate drinking!_ I quickly grabbed the box Jasper was holding and opened it. I took one brownie and stuffed it into my mouth.

"Mmmm." I sighed as I chewed, at least this tasted good. I decided that I was going to worry later about how generous Monty was with the _ingredients_ when he made them and enjoyed eating it. I took another one and ate it.

"Stuffing ourselves again, huh?"

I glanced toward the door and saw Raven shaking her head. "It's a shame I don't have my phone with me right now. This would've been a great addition to the fries incident." Raven put her hands on her hips and looked genuinely disappointed.

I continued chewing and surprisingly her shit didn't bother me one bit. "Want some?" I offered her the brownies with the biggest smile I could give her. She tilted her head and chuckled then glanced to Monty then Jasper. I followed her gaze and saw that Monty and Jasper had smiles just as big as mine on their faces. Raven bit her lip and nodded. "This should be interesting."

* * *

I mingled around and talked with a few people. There were people some there who I knew from my classes before and some who I have classes with now. The talks were mostly about who was passing this and who was failing that, sharing a good laugh or two about the evil professors we had, the quizzes we almost failed and some did fail, competing who had the longest all-nighter and whether it paid off or not. It was all good fun, everyone had their stories and everyone was enjoying themselves. I was enjoying myself. _Huh, you're actually having fun Clarke. It's been a while._

The party dragged on and I started looking around. I was having fun but… I shook my head. _No Clarke, you're in a party, forget about the books and the papers. Just let go, just for a while._

I couldn't. It wasn't because I was thinking about mountains of untouched schoolwork, it was something else.

Someone else.

My eyes started searching for that ever annoying face.

"Raven!" I called when I saw she was in the kitchen playing beer pong on the island countertop. "Raven!" I shouted again because the ball just landed on a cup and they started cheering. She bounced off another ball off the dining table but I caught it before it landed on another beer cup.

"Boo!" Everyone at the table shouted at me for spoiling their fun. I shot them a look, one of them especially. I held up the ball. "I need to talk to you." I said to Raven.

"Later, princess. As you can see we are busy having fun before you ruined it. Now, give me the ball." She held out her hand.

I threw the pingpong ball into the sink. "Ey!" Everyone shouted at me and started complaining. "Clarke!" Raven cried.

I stared back at her and she slumped her shoulders and groaned. "Ugh!"

I started out the kitchen and Raven followed me, mumbling curses at me no doubt. I looked for a place where there were less drunk college kids, shouting and laughing. I stopped to look at a guy crying and laughing at the wall.

Raven tapped his shoulder and said, "Beat it, Roger." The guy turned around and went on his way, still laughing and crying.

"He just got dumped." Raven shrugged.

"Oh…" I shivered a little.

"What's up?" Raven was leaning on the wall where Roger was crying and laughing. She waited for me to speak but I didn't know where to start.

"If you're gonna confess your feelings for me Griffin, just do it. I won't make it weird, I promise."

I giggled.

I GIGGLED. I stopped myself. _What the hell was that?_ Raven looked as shocked as I was probably feeling.

 _Damn it Monty, how much did you put in the brownies?!_

I shook my head and cleared my throat.

"Well?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I… I, uh…where's—" I couldn't find the words. Raven sighed. "Oh princess, precious, naïve little princess." She shook her head at me and smirked.

"It's Friday night! Did you really think a girl like her would just show up to _one_ party? She was probably invited to tons of other, _better_ parties." Instead of the usual blood boil I got from Raven's smirking, it actually felt like my blood froze. My heart dropped and my eyes fell to the floor. _Is that why she didn't smile like before when she left the diner?_

"Oh…." I nodded. My eyes still glued to the floor. I swallowed the lump in my throat. _She's probably not coming._ The realization hurt, a little bit too much.

"Huh…well." I finally raised my eyes from the floor. "It was a great party, Raven." I said to her but didn't look her in the eyes. I turned around and headed for the door.

"Come on, Clarke! Wait! Where are you going?" Raven yelled after me. I kept going and practically started shoving people that were in my way.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning me around. "Stay, Clarke. Come on! She's just one girl, I mean yeah so what if she's pretty… like really, really pretty… she really is pretty isn't she? Smoking hot too…" Raven was mulling over her sudden realization.

I sighed. "It's cool Raven, I mean I partied for a while and enjoyed myself, really." I gave her a tight smile.

"Well, okay. But I mean don't you at least wanna stay for a little longer? Who knows maybe she's just fashionably late. I mean that's a thing." She tried to reason with me but I've been here for over 2 hours and I saw no reason to stay any longer if the only reason I was here wasn't showing up.

"Enjoy _your_ party Raven." I smiled at her then turned to leave.

"Shit…" I heard her say as I left the apartment.

* * *

I shivered. It was colder than I thought it would be. I looked back to see if Raven came after me, saying Lexa did come. There was no one behind me.

All I saw before me was an empty street dimly lighted by the street light a few feet from me. I sighed and started walking again. The more steps I took away from the party, the heavier my breathing became. I could see the air coming from my mouth and nose. Raven was right and for once, I agreed with her when she called me naïve. _I didn't really think there was a princess waiting to dance with me at the ball but it still would've been nice._

I wrapped my arms around myself. I shivered again. _Was it always this cold?_ Then I groaned. "Dammit!" I shouted. Did I seriously leave my jacket? Why. _I knew I should've just stayed in my room. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't let Raven talk me into going, and for what!? I was just wasting my time. Again. When are you going to learn Clarke? Nobody's worth busying over right now, not him, not her. Not anyone._ I stopped walking.

It's been a while since I thought about him. About Finn. Thoughts of him came flooding back and I felt my heart ache a little… but just a little. I smiled a little to myself. _It doesn't even hurt anymore, and soon…tonight won't hurt anymore too._

I felt something in my back pocket. I hated to pry my arm away from my body but the vibrating of my phone didn't stop. I fished it from my pocket and looked at the screen. I couldn't read it right away, my hand was shivering now too. _Maybe I should go back…just to get my jacket._ I shook my head but it felt more like I was vibrating now too. _Should've worn something a little thicker. Well… then again I didn't know I was going to be walking in the street at night without my jacket anyway and I didn't want to wear a sweater at a party._ I let all the frustration out with a heavy sigh and answered my phone which until now hasn't stopped ringing. I decided I was going to go back but just to get my jacket, and until Raven breaks a sweat trying to apologize for making me come out tonight and making me hope _she_ was coming.

"Hello?" I answered. I tried a hard as I could not to breathe heavy into the speaker. _Don't want Raven thinking I was slowly dying of the cold out here, best let her grovel first._

"Clarke! Where are you?" It was Jasper. It sounded like he was out on the street shivering. He was breathing heavily and I could clearly hear the panic in his voice amidst the sound of music in the background.

"Jasper? Wh-what is it? Is everything okay?" I asked him. "No! Everything is not okay, I repeat, everything IS NOT OKAY!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, he was shouting now. I put it back when he stopped.

"What happened?" I asked but he didn't reply, he was speaking all too fast and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. "Jasper, JASPER!" I shouted at my phone then he stopped. "Now, tell me, slowly, what happened?"

"She's here. She's here, Clarke! I started thinking she wasn't going to come when I couldn't see her anywhere as the party went on…but she did. Raven really did invite her. She's here but— I don't know what to do. Monty's… not being helpful right now so I came looking for you!" Amidst the panic, I could hear the smile in his voice and I couldn't help but smile too. My heart was beating so fast again, I stopped shivering. It wasn't so cold anymore.

I turned around and headed back to the ball. _This princess wasn't going to miss her dance._

* * *

I welcomed the heat that greeted me when I opened the door to Raven's apartment, never knew the body heat from drunk college kids grinding on each other would feel so good. I stopped to look around and to catch my breath. I practically ran here when I ended Jasper's call.

"Oh good Clarke you're here!" Jasper took me in his arms and hugged me. I had to push him away because the hug lasted too long and his body felt hot. Drops of sweat gathered on his forehead and he was twitching and looking around in panic. I grabbed his shoulders to make him look at me. "Where is she?" I couldn't help the grin in my face. I was excited to finally see her.

His head nodded to the kitchen. "Over there, with her _boyfriend_." The grin on my face disappeared. My eyes widened in disbelief. _Boyfriend?_ If the music wasn't too loud I swear everyone in the room would've heard the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces.


	6. Unity Day 2

Part 6: Unity Day 2

I swallowed. "Wha—what?" I let out a laugh but it wasn't happy one. "What boyfriend?" Million pieces of my broken heart fell to the floor. Jasper looked at me like the world just ended. I was probably looking at him the same way.

I didn't dare look where he nodded towards. I didn't want to see some guy's arms draped around her shoulders. My arms felt like lead and fell to my side. They felt so heavy that my shoulders slumped. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. _I thought for sure… she was into me too._

My sight got blurry all of the sudden. _Don't. Not here, Clarke. Not for her._ I shut my eyes.

"Oh, thank god you came back!" I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head toward the voice. Raven hugged me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disappoint you," she whispered as she held me closer. I couldn't speak. I was too stunned at what I just heard. Raven has _never_ apologized to me, not since…

It warmed my heart to hear her say it. It took my mind off the pain I was feeling. I hugged her back. "Look…I," I started but Raven had already pulled away from me. I saw her pleading eyes staring at me. I smiled to myself. "It's okay Raven." I told her, "I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up too high and I was being naïve. You were right, "I shrugged.

She cleared her throat and said, "Of course I was, obviously." Her tone was so matter-of-fact that I had to laugh. _That was quick._

"All right, moment over, princess." She clapped her hands together. "First things first. Let's get this hollow shell of a man a drink." She took me and Jasper who, while Raven and I had our moment, was just staring into space. She led us to the many kegs around the apartment.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked Raven as she dragged us to the center of the living room. _Did he really want to see me and Lexa together at the party that much?_ She didn't answer but stopped when she found a keg where there was just one guy standing near it. She let us go and took away the cup the guy was holding and drank it. "Hey!" He turned around and I saw that it was actually Monty.

"Oh, Raven it's you." Raven reached for something in Monty's jacket pocket then quickly put it in hers, eyeing the crowd. "Kept the wolves at bay just like you said." He giggled. He looked to the ceiling and said, "Wolves…" before turning to me, with a big grin on his face. "Griffin!"

"So many animals…" He looked at the three of us and pointed at Raven, "Greedy Bird."

"Hey!" Raven cried. I chuckled, she heard me and shot me a look. Monty pointed to Jasper, "Deer about to be hit by a car." No reaction from Jasper.

Then finally at me, "Grumpy lion with eagle head thing."

Raven spat her drink.

"Ugh, Raven! Gross!" I wiped my face with my sleeve.

She broke out laughing. I kept wiping my face while Monty started giggling again but Jasper was still staring into space. When she finally stopped, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and said, "Man, I love high Monty."

"Haha, high monkeys...where?" Monty perked up and looked up at the ceiling. I shook my head. _Looks like someone finished their own Tupperware of brownies._

I turned to Jasper. His face was blank. Drops of spit and beer were on the side of his face. I snapped my fingers at him. "Hey Jasper, what's wrong?" I stared at him but he didn't respond. _He's probably just high… but he's usually happy when he is…_

"Here," Raven handed Jasper a flask.

"I don't think that's best way to snap him out of… whatever this is. And also, where'd you get that?" I asked.

Raven smirked at me. "Oh trust me, this'll make him snap out of it." I rolled my eyes. It was what she took from Monty. _It's probably the best booze in this whole party and of course she keeps it to herself._ "Drink up!" She yelled. Jasper looked at the flask. "Come on!" Raven urged. "Chug! Chug! Chug!" Monty stopped looking for monkeys and pumped his fist into the air and started cheering. Jasper took the flask from Raven and put it close to his face.

"Drink! It'll make you forget about that brat Octavia and her stupid TA boyfriend!"

My head snapped to Raven then back to Jasper with his head back, raising the flask to his lips. "Whoooh!" Raven and Monty cheered. Jasper looked like he just swallowed fire.

"Wait…" I mumbled as I remembered what Jasper said in the phone call, how he said he didn't know what to do, how he looked so devastated when I saw him when I arrived and the pain in his eyes when he said the word, _boyfriend._

"YEAH!" Jasper shouted. He snapped out of his trance. He took another drink then raised his arms and shouted. "Who needs her? I don't! Monty, come on! The night is young!" Raven grabbed the flask from his hands. Jasper grabbed his best friend who's been cheering him on non-stop.

"Who needs her!" Monty repeated as loud as he could then laughed. Jasper led him away to the dance floor and the two started dancing like crazy.

"That's liquid courage for yah." Raven laughed. "Idiots." We watched the two thrash around the dance floor, shaking their heads and pumping their fists into the air in tune with the beat of the music.

I shook my head and chuckled. I felt like I should be guilty for the fact that I was too self-absorbed to even notice what Jasper was going through but instead I was proud and even a little jealous, that he didn't run away. Unlike me.

I clenched my jaw. _I don't want to run away anymore._

"Your turn." Raven handed me the flask. I stared at her, it was as if she read my mind. I reached for it but hesitated. "Thanks, but I'm good." I gave her a weak smile. I watched Monty and Jasper again and smiled to myself. I wished I could just let go like that.

"You sure?" She asked, I glanced at Raven. She was looking at something by the door. I followed her gaze. I froze.

 _Shit._ She's here.

My eyes were fixated on her as she and her friends stepped through the doorway. She scoped the place out. Her eyes landed on me.

I looked away so fast I could've literally broken my neck. I turned my back away from her and stood still. I glanced at Raven, she was still looking at them and with a smirk on her face, she glanced to me. _Raven, don't do it._

"Raven, Don't. You. Dare." I gave her the deadliest look I could muster. She chuckled and looked back at Lexa's direction. "Raven, don't look you idiot! They'll see you!" I almost shrieked. I didn't dare move my eyes any further in Lexa's direction. I grabbed Raven's arm and turned her around. She looked at me and a smile spread across her face. "Too late."

My jaw fell and my heart started beating so fast. _OH MY GOD_.

She tried to swig a drink from the flask before I swiped it away and braced myself. I raised it to my mouth and drank. The liquid burned in my throat, and I closed my eyes as it burned my insides. I choked, but I didn't stop until I had the last drop.

"Whoohooh!" Raven cheered. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and let out a breath of air. I felt like a pot full of boiling water as the contents of the flask settled in my stomach.

"Damn, princess. If I knew seeing her would make you thirsty like that, I should've told her the exact time the party was going to start in the first place."

I turned my head slowly to her. "You did what?" I narrowed my eyes and stared daggers at her. She grinned at me and winked. _I couldn't believe her! She made me think that Lexa wasn't coming when actually she just purposely made her late!_ _Oh, I am gonna—_

She took the flask from my hand and slapped my shoulder.

"Go get'em ti— lion with eagle head thing." She walked away laughing.

 _I am going to murder that girl._

I promised to myself but there were worse things to worry about right now. I started twitching, trying to look for a place to hide, to run away. _But I just said I didn't want to run away anymore, right?_ I thought for a second. _Fuck that, I need to get the hell out here!_ I looked in front of me. _Hide in the mosh pit that has now started and join Monty and Jasper thrash around and shove random people? Nah._

I gazed towards the kitchen. _Make out central. Ugh, no. Bathrooms, Raven's bedroom, broom closet? Definitely not._ If people were all over each other in the kitchen in plain sight, I doubt actual closed spaces would make a difference, _but maybe if I could kick them out…_

I felt a tap on my shoulder. My body stiffened and my heart quickened its pace.

"Hi," she greeted with a big smile. Without a second thought, a huge smile spread across my face. _Damn!_ She makes me freeze with a look then melts me with a smile. _She must be a witch..._

"H-Hi…" I replied. When I didn't say anything more she smiled at me and let out the cutest little laugh. "Are you okay?" She asked, "You look…"

 _Look..? Oh no. Raven._ My heart was racing even faster than before. I touched my face to check if Raven's spit-take was still evident in my face. She chuckled again.

"Hey, relax." She reached for my hands and said, "There's nothing there. Your face looks perfect."

I didn't know which was going to give me a heart attack, that she said I looked perfect or that she was still holding my hands and didn't let go even if I stopped busying myself with imaginary spit on my face. My guess was both.

"T-Thanks…I." I looked down at our hands. They fit perfectly together. But she suddenly let go of me and I looked up. She looked away.

"Oh sorry," she apologized. Her eyebrows were knotted together slightly.

"N-no…" Missing her touch already, I reached for her hands but she hid them behind her. "Lexa."

Her eyes met mine again when she heard me speak her name. It lit up her face. I swallowed. _Come on Clarke! Be a man— I mean woman!_

I cleared my throat and steeled myself. "Do you uh… want a drink?" I asked. The beat of my heart was normal now. _Guess liquid courage does work after all._

"Sure." She answered with her smile. _That smile again._

I led her to the kitchen, which was oddly but thankfully rid of horny couples. There were two beers on the counter beside the sink. _Okay…?_ _No one just leaves cold unopened beer in a party full of alcohol thirsty college kids. Maybe they're poisoned…?_ I looked around, looking for anyone that might've set these out and just left behind to go somewhere or something. _Maybe they were looking for a bottle opener?_ I kept searching but noticed instead something red behind Lexa who was looking around the kitchen. I saw a sleeve of a red jacket near the archway that separated the kitchen and living room. It was Raven, she was hiding half her face but pointing somewhere past me. I traced where she was pointing and found the bottle opener hanging in hooks next to some pans and knives.

I grabbed the bottle opener and looked for Raven again. "Good luck." She formed the words with her mouth and gave me a thumbs-up then left. I smiled and Lexa noticed that I was smiling and turned to look but no one was there. She looked back at me. "Want some beer?" I said before she could ask me why I was smiling at an empty archway.

"Umm… are you sure nobody owns them? She asked and looked around just like I did.

"I-It's fine," I reassured her. I opened the bottles and handed her one. She shrugged and took it. "It is your party after all." She said and I couldn't help but chuckle at her remark. We took a sip at the same time. I drank just enough to moisten my throat and lips, not wanting to make my breath smell like beer. _You know… just in case._

I swallowed the beer and put down the bottle on the counter. The sound of the glass hitting the countertop was deafening. Not one of us spoke. She looked straight at me and just stared. _Oh now, don't look at me like that!_

My potion of courage was wearing off, my heartbeat was starting to race again and I had to look away. The bass of the music was in beat with my heart and it felt like I was going to explode.

She broke the silence and said, "Great party. Thanks again for inviting us."

 _Be cool Clarke, say something cool_. "Y-yeah. But you know… I've thrown better." I shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Oh, I see." She nodded and gave me a thin smile. I gave myself a mental face-palm. _Wow, you could not sound any more like a douche and now she probably thinks you are!_

The silence came back and panic came over me and I started thinking of something else to say. _Say she looks hot with that top! What? No! She probably knows that already, obviously, I mean just look at her… I wonder where she bought it…_

"That top…" I blurted out.

"Yeah?" She looked at me and straightened herself. She smiled a little. _Yes Clarke good! Compliment her! Say it looks good!_

"W-where, um where did you buy it?" I stuttered. _WHAT?_

Her shoulders slumped and she chuckled, glancing down at her top then said, "I bought it…"

 _CLARKE PLEASE! Say something!_

"So um, where are your uh, friends? Maybe they're looking for you…or something you know? You did come together…after all…" Her face fell as soon as I said that. I closed my eyes and groaned. I opened one eye to look at her. She was looking down, just wiping the drops of water that has formed on the beer bottle she was holding. Then she looked up slowly, I opened both of my eyes.

"Do you really want me to look for my friends?" She asked but the way her eyebrows were furrowed and the way she bit her lips made me think she was pleading.

I sighed. "Look, Lexa…I." I swallowed. "The thing is…I… back at the diner, I should've told you…"

"What?" She said frowning.

"I didn't invite you to the party…exactly…" I continued. She looked disappointed. _It's over. She totally hates me._

I sighed again and decided I was going to come clean. "Okay, it was Raven who threw this party, She just told you that I did because… I don't know… to make my life a living hell, maybe? She does that sometimes and then next thing I know you guys were thanking _me_ for inviting you guys and I just couldn't say anything because…" I paused and tried to look for the words to say, to say that even though the party wasn't my idea, I just wanted an excuse, a chance to maybe spend time with her.

"Because…?" She asked, she was now looking right at me, with an expecting look.

I gave up, I couldn't hold anything back form this girl anymore. It was just too hard.

"Because I wanted to see you..." I looked away from her stare. "Because lunch with you wasn't enough and I wanted to see you again but just didn't know how I could. Raven was just being a good friend and threw the party to give me an excuse." I chuckled, "…she even left these out for us." I pointed to our beer on the counter.

"She sounds like a good friend." Lexa said, giving me a thin smile. I sighed and looked at her, hoping my explanation was enough, hoping that she wasn't angry at me. "Yeah she really is."

"And I'm sorry that I seem to be saying all the wrong things, it's just I…really didn't think you would come anyway…"

"Why would you think I wouldn't come?" She asked, her eyebrows were knotted. The frown on her face made my heart stop, I didn't want to make her angry… ever.

"Wha, I- uh, Raven said that— it was a Friday and that girls like you wouldn't come to parties like this and that girls like you would—" I spoke so fast I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.

"Girls like me would what?" She said in a voice so stern she sounded like she was in a position of authority, of power and right now with me, she really was. "What, Clarke? What do you know about me?" She raised her eyebrows at me, she stepped closer.

I flinched under her stare. _She's scary like this…_ I took a step back. My eyes darted around and looked around for help. _Come on, Raven now would be a good time to show your annoying face!_ But I saw no one.

I turned to her. "Lexa, I'm sorry…" I apologized, "I didn't mean…" I felt so little at that moment, wanting to cower in some small dark corner where her eyes couldn't _things_ to me but her brilliant green eyes were still on me, just staring. My mind went blank. Now I really said something wrong. What else could I say to turn this around? Then I thought of something – a hail Mary, a last desperate move. If this won't work then nothing will.

"I like you, Lexa."

My heart raced as soon as the words came out. I wanted to regret saying it out loud but I didn't. I wanted her to know. I didn't want to run away from it anymore. I held her gaze. She pulled away just a little, her jaw slacked and the look on her face scared me even more but I didn't look away. I waited till she said something but when I saw her eyes fall to the floor, so did my heart.

"Lexa…?"I asked, more like whispered. _Please say something._

"I like you too, Clarke." She looked up, slowly. She smiled at me. My heart jumped.

 _She said it, she said she liked me too._

We stared at each other, not saying anything, not moving, just suspended in time, letting the words we said to each other sink in. It was probably the faulty lights in the ceiling but to me it looked like her eyes were twinkling. _If she kept looking at me like that, then that'd be all the courage I'll ever need._

The words she said still rang in my head and all over I felt heat like no alcohol could ever make me feel, I was filled with something that enveloped me. It made me feel invincible. Brave. I took the bottle in her hands and placed it on the counter next then grasped her hand. "Let's go." I led her out of the kitchen to the crowd in the middle of the living room. We slipped through, I held her hand as I tight as I could then I felt her slip her fingers in between mine and squeeze back.

Thank god she was behind me or else she would've seen in my face, that I realized I lied to her. The words I said had become a lie when her hands squeezed mine. Those words were no longer true, no longer enough to describe the gravity of the feelings I had for her. I didn't just like her anymore, I…

I stopped and turned around to face her. She stopped in front of me, not letting go of my hand. She pursed her lips, not taking her eyes off me. _Jesus fucking Christ, this girl._

Someone hit her and she stumbled to her side. I grabbed her shoulders and caught her before she fell over. "Are you okay?" I asked. I looked for the idiot who pushed her and I saw in the distance a ponytail and a familiar red jacket. _Hmmm._

"I'm fine," she replied with a small smile. I glanced back at her and let my hands travel down to her arms. "Come here." I pulled her closer and she let me.

We looked into each other's eyes, with little smiles on our faces, we started giggling. I didn't know how to dance along with the music and every move I made felt awkward. She chuckled then rested her arms on my shoulder and moved my body along with hers.

"Dance with me, Clarke." She whispered into my ear. I relished hearing her say my name and just the thought of her lips so close was too much. I let her move me and just enjoyed her touch and the little distance between us. I felt the beat of the music and with Lexa's help, for the first time in a long while, I let myself go and just danced to the music.

She jumped and threw her head around, letting her wavy hair free. She was pumping her fist in the air. Watching her move like that made me in awe of her even more. She made it look so easy, she made life so easy and happy. The way she moved her body, the way her hands ran through her hair, the way she looked back at me when she turned around and leaned against me, grinding her body against mine, it made me crazy, made me want to touch her and just hold her close to me and feel every curve.

 _Easy Clarke… you're_ _ **just**_ _dancing, albeit very…_ _ **hot**_ _dancing… you still need to keep your hands to yourself. DO NOT DO SOMETHING STUPID. I REPEAT DO NOT—_

All thoughts of behaving disappeared when she took my hands and led them to her hips. She swayed to the music and so did I, I gulped. Her hair was in my face and her scent was intoxicating. _Oh god help me… also mental note, ask her what her shampoo is… later when she stops grinding on me._

 _Oh forget the shampoo just please don't stop._

I breathed in her scent and I lost control and gripped her hips and turned her around. Our faces were so close, remembering the slight difference in our height, I had to look up a little to see her eyes. She didn't pull away but reached around and wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands wanted desperately to travel further down her body. It took all of me not to, but I was fighting a losing battle. Our eyes didn't break the stare. One corner of her lips curled up. She must've seen in my eyes what I wanted so much to do.

I just stared back, not wanting to ever look away for a second. She leaned in closer, I didn't notice until know how loud my heart was beating. I always thought it was the thumping bass and all the jumping and _dancing_ we did. I didn't move away. I looked at her lips and it looked so inviting. I looked up at her. There was a look in her eyes. It made my heart stop.

She leaned in closer and touched her lips with mine.

Her hands held my head in place, ruffling my hair. She pushed her lips deeper into the kiss, I clenched my hands, I pulled her hips so close it was just our clothes that was between us. She parted her lips a little, I followed her lead. She pulled away slightly and grazed her lips against mine. She tilted her head, rubbed our noses together and kissed me again, harder this time. Then after a while, she pulled away slowly, I kept my eyes closed, trying to calm my heart down. I felt her leaning her forehead on mine.

She was out breath when she said, "Let's get out of here."


	7. Remember Me

Clexa College AU (part 7: Remember Me)

I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling. As my brain shook the cobwebs of sleep away and started working again, I realized I was staring at the ceiling back in my room and I felt the familiar softness of my mattress under me and I sighed.

 _Now that was a good night's sleep!_

I smiled and closed my eyes again as I stretched my limbs and tossed and turned in my bed. I rolled around and soaked in the scent of my sheets and blanket. I felt something soft beside me and I grabbed it. I squeezed the pillow and inhaled.

 _Ahhh, the wonders of laundry detergent and—_

I giggled and I bit my lip, trying hard not to lose my sanity when I let my mind wander back to last night's events and how I ended up in my bed in the first place. I shut my eyes to remember every single thing that happened. I squeezed tighter and inhaled the scent of the pillow again. My heart started racing and I thrashed around in my bed as all the memories came flooding back. I squealed into the pillow, then I heard a chuckle.

"Glad to see you're awake."

I stopped squirming in my bed and opened my eyes. I smiled to myself and rolled over.

She was sitting on the floor, her elbow on the mattress and her cheek resting on her palm. She was smiling at me. She reached over and took away the pillow I was squeezing for sanity's sake. It was the only physical assurance I had that I was in fact in the real word and not in my head, just day dreaming all of this and last night and god forbid still in class somewhere… _oh my god I'm not still in Indra's class am I?_

I felt a little embarrassed with her staring so intently at me in my naked glory. "Good morning, Angel," she said. I raised my eyebrow at her. "Angel?"

"What?" She smiled, "You look so peaceful in your sleep you know? You hair makes you look like you're shining too. So yeah, Angel." I laughed and so did she. I was so relieved to be laughing with her. _Yeah, this is real._

"How long have you been sitting there?" I asked.

"Um…long enough." She smirked. I noticed her eyes travel down the length of me. Now that the pillow was gone, she could see me, all of me and I felt a little shy from her stare. "Oh look, a mole. Funny how I didn't see that one last night with all the time I spent down there…" She was looking somewhere near my thighs, I reached for the blanket draped by my feet to cover myself up but she grabbed my arm.

"Don't," she said, smirking and I felt heat rise up to my cheeks.

I laid on my back and covered my face with my hands to avoid seeing those green eyes of hers roam all over my body then I heard her laugh. I felt the bed dip by my thighs and her weight on me. "Why are you embarrassed?" She asked as she took my hands away from my face. We looked at each other then she leaned so close to my ear, her lips barely touched the skin but still it sent electricity throughout my body. "Last night was amazing."

It really was, it was phenomenal, mind-blowing, insert synonyms here, yes, but the lights were off and we were in a hurry, not to mention I was a little drunk and I kind of left my shame back at the party. But this morning was different, now there was no darkness to hide from and we could see every inch of each other, and no hurry to keep us from taking it all in.

"I hoped you enjoyed yourself," I sensed the smile in her voice as she said, even closer to my ear than I could take. I could feel her breath against my neck and I had to bite my lip and close my eyes to stop myself from moaning. She chuckled again.

My heart was pounding as she kissed my neck. Her finger traced my lips and slid down to my neck. I twitched and I heard her chuckle again at my reaction. She continued kissing as she put a hand on my breast. Her breathing against my neck was heavier now. Her hand slowly continued further down and I clenched my hands and held on to the sheets as her hand continued down its path.

From my neck she planted kisses on my jaw then my cheek then finally on my lips. I thought she'd go where I wanted her to go but her hands instead went to my thighs. I let out a moan. _Dammit, no! But dammit, yes! But—!_

"Lexa…" I breathed and I couldn't help but open my eyes. Our faces so close to each other. Her hand was still on my thigh, still teasing me.

"Good morning, Angel," Lexa said again, slower this time. A smile spread across her face as she traced circles on my stomach.

"Good morning Charlie," I said. I grinned at her and she laughed. She leaned down and kissed me. I smiled into the kiss and rested my hand on the small of her back. I stroked my hand along her smooth skin, careful not to scratch her when she started grinding her hips against mine. Hers hand went up to my cheeks, caressing them as she kissed me harder. My head was spinning, my heart was racing and I just stopped thinking and caring what the light of day exposed. How different her body was to mine, more perfect than mine could ever be. One of her hands went to my hips, then down to my thighs. I let out a moan and louder for her to hear, to encourage. She pulled away a little, I opened my eyes and saw her looking at me. I stared at her green eyes staring into mine and the corner of her lips, arching up into a small smile.

I smiled back and ran my hand through her hair. Here I was, completely defenseless before her, unable to hold anything back from the way she was touching me. She has made it hard for me to hide anything from her since we met and frankly I was tired of doing so. Last night was a leap, we confessed our feelings for each other and let go and danced to the music and now with her in my bed, in our own little world, I promised myself that from now on, I was never going to hide from her ever again.

She broke the stare and kissed me again, softly pressing her lips against mine. I kissed her back and parted my lips, and so did she. Her tongue touched my lips and I let my tongue find hers in return. She kissed me deeper and pushed her hips against me, I moaned into the kiss and grabbed her head, clutching her hair, and kissed her hard.

Gasping for air, we broke the kiss and looked into each other's eyes. I steadied my hand on the bed and used the other to flip her. I brushed my blonde hair away as I looked at her, looking up at me with a sly grin on her face.

I ran my hand along her neck to her chest, feeling the sweat on her skin. I touched my lips to her neck then down to her collarbone, then to her chest just above her breasts and paused. I looked up at her, raised my lips off her skin slightly and said, "You hardly let me last night."

She smiled and bit her lip. I started kissing her again, inching my way down. Her body twitched, as I made my way down. I stopped just above her navel and reached up to touch her soft breast, I felt her body arch up and I heard her moan and I continued kissing down the length of her body.

* * *

"Clarke!"

I raised myself up and crawled on top of her. I looked down, her chest heaving up and down, her head back, hair messy underneath. I wiped away the sweat gathering on her forehead then kissed it. She was gasping for air and I lay down beside her, trying to catch my breath. I smiled and licked my lips. I could still taste her and my body felt hot all over again. I looked beside me, the back of her hand was resting on her face, covering her eyes. Her breathing was still a bit labored. _Poor girl, I doubt she could go for another round. Next time Clarke… next time._

My heart skipped a beat, thinking of the next time and I wished so much we could do it again but, _let's face it Clarke, even you couldn't go again… but she doesn't need to know that._

I turned my body to face hers, propping my elbows on the pillow and resting my temple on my fist for support. I bit my lip, as I admired her gorgeous body before me. _Damn._ I reached for her flat stomach and traced circles. _She works out obviously, I mean compared to her, I'm just flab really._ I looked down and compared my body with hers, she was certainly leaner but she was taller so, that was totally understandable. Still, I couldn't help but make a mental note to start working out if I was going to be naked in front of Lexa a lot from now on… _but then again, wasn't last night and the past couple of hours exercise enough?_

I chuckled to myself and just reveled in the moment until Lexa took my hand that was on her stomach and said, "I think I need breakfast first." She looked up at me, a little smile on her face. A certain pride came over me and I didn't tell her I was as beat as she was, I clenched my jaw and held back a grin, instead I gave her a "disappointed" yet understanding smile and nodded.

"Okay," I said as I sat up. She pursed her lips and gave me a kiss on the cheek then climbed out of bed. She bent over to the floor and picked up her underwear. She started putting on the clothes I carefully took off of her last night. I already started missing her naked body that I gladly worshipped last night. She went about the room, picking up the mess we made on the floor, her clothes and mine thrown all over the room. With her back to me, I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. I balled my fists and started pumping them into the air.

 _Yeeeeah! That's right world, Clarke fucking Griffin knows how to fu—_

"Clarke, what are you doing?" She was laughing at me as she tied her hair up into a top bun. She was now wearing my sweatshirt that I had hung behind the door.

I took a moment to appreciate her in that pose. With her arms up tying her hair, my sweatshirt raised up to show her to-die-for stomach and her bikini underwear. She looked absolutely hot wearing my sweatshirt, even more than I could. I tried to explain why I was pumping my fist in the air but I was just too amazed to see her like this, all I could do was smile.

She finished tying her hair and lowered her arms, hiding her belly and sexy underwear under my sweatshirt. _Curses!_

She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows at me. _God, help._ She sat back on the bed next to me. I didn't speak, I just looked at her with a smile on my face while she laughed and planted a small kiss on my lips. I stared at her then at my sweatshirt on her. She followed where I was looking then back to me. "What's wrong? I hope you don't mind me wearing your clothes."

 _Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. I just love you that's all._

The words that crossed my mind took me aback. She must've noticed my expression change when she caressed my cheek. A slight crease between her brows.

"Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. I just really need breakfast too." I smiled, "I'm beat."

She grinned and reached behind me and covered me with the blanket. I just noticed that there was not a stitch of clothing on me while she was fully— well—half-clothed. She wrapped me tight and laughed. She touched her forehead to mine and said to me. "Don't want you to get a cold."

I squirmed to move my arms but they were stuck to my sides by the blanket around me, I settled to just moving my hands and laying them on her legs. With her lips just inches from mine, I only had to move my face slightly to close the distance between us. I parted from her lips and said, "You look hot in my sweatshirt by the way."

She laughed. "I know." Then she kissed me again.

* * *

"See you after class?" I said as I handed her, her coffee. She took it and smiled at me. One corner of her lips curling up, emphasizing her rosy cheek. Her signature smile never failed to do things to me and I couldn't hold back a grin.

She leaned in close slowly and kissed me. I closed my eyes and felt my heart race and my knees go weak. I opened my eyes slowly when she broke the kiss.

"Yeah, see you soon." She smiled and turned around, her glorious wavy hair swishing after her.

She went inside her class, leaving me out in the hall, with my jaw slacked.

 _Oh man… she's, she's just—_

When I turned to go to my own class, I felt something hard hit my shoulder, making me drop the bag that had my breakfast. I snapped out of my trance.

I stared at the floor, at the brown paper bag and beside it one bagel out on the floor. "My bagels!" _Oh no! Now one of them is ruined! Has it been five seconds yet?_ In an instant, feelings of love and rainbows were replaced with boiling frustration. _It's been five seconds! NOOO!_ My head jerked to my right facing the person, no, the idiot who hit me.

I opened my mouth to unleash hell when my brain stopped functioning for a moment, when I recognized who I saw before me.

The familiar long dark hair, square face and soft brown eyes made my heart thump in my chest, my stomach churned. The hair on the back of my neck rose and my palms started sweating.

"Clarke, hey," He said slowly. I flinched. I haven't heard him say my name in a while. I haven't spoken his in a long time either. I couldn't bring myself to.

I closed my mouth shut and didn't speak. He looked from me to the floor. I watched him reach down and grab the bag, leaving the spoiled bagel on the floor. I looked away before his eyes could meet mine.

"Sorry about the, uh, other one…I didn't mean to hit you… here," He handed the brown bag to me. Not tearing my eyes away from the floor, I grabbed my breakfast away from his hands and pushed past him. He stumbled back but he caught my arm and turned me around.

His eyes locked into mine and he held my gaze. I couldn't look away from him. His eyebrows were furrowed and he had a frown on his face. I jerked my arm away from his grip. I glared at him. I took deep breaths to calm myself down and keep the tears away.

He sighed and said, "Can we talk?" I didn't answer, just kept staring at him. He slipped his hands in his pockets and spoke again.

"You're here…I haven't seen you around for a while, since I got back." His eyebrows knitted together. I tore my eyes away from him for a second then turned back to him, I shrugged. "It's a big campus. I didn't even know you _came_ back."

He frowned and bowed his head down, ran his hand through his hair then raised his head and looked back at me. His shoulders slumped, those shoulders that I used to wrap my arms around. He looked weak like this, unlike the guy I thought I knew so well.

I shook my head to chase the thoughts away and rolled my eyes and sighed. I was starting to get annoyed. I wanted to get the hell away from here, from him.

"Clarke… I," He hesitated.

"What?" I snapped.

He sighed. "Come on Clarke, I said I was sorry. I really am. What happened, back then, it was a mistake. Please, just… talk to me." He begged, his voice hitched and I saw his eyes brim with tears.

He reached out his hand to me but I help up my hand, he drew his own back. I looked straight at him. So ready to punch his stupid face but I stopped myself.

"I'm sorry, Clarke… please..." He said again.

"I'm not the one you should apologize to." I said. As soon as I said it, my eyes started to tear up as something I've been trying so hard to forget came back to plague my thoughts again. I clenched my jaw and turned away.

"But—" he started to say but I interrupted him.

"Don't." I turned around. He called after me but I didn't look back, I kept walking and left him behind me, where I wanted him and everything he reminded me of.

* * *

"Clarke…Claaaarke…Clarke!"

I jerked in my seat and turned to see Monty.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh… unless you wanna start tasting ink, you should stop chewing on that." He pointed at me and I noticed that I was gnawing on my pen. I stared at the visible teeth marks on the end then put it down on the table.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling.

"What's the matter Clarke? Trouble in paradise already?" Monty asked.

The thought of Lexa made me smile a little but it quickly disappeared when I thought about what was really troubling me. It's been days over a week since I bumped into him. I haven't seen him since. _Good._

"Everything's fine." I say after a moment. I gave my friend a thin smile.

"You sure?" Monty asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Really," I replied.

He shrugged and smiled then looked back at his laptop. "Well, I sure hope so, you two have been all over each other since the party… or so I've heard." He chuckled.

I smirked. "Oh yeah, what have you heard?"

"Mmm…some noise complaints from the people living next door to you in Arker Hall and Lexa in Washington Hall." He smirked at me and I felt heat rising to my cheeks. "Wha-what complaints? F-from who?" I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me.

He shrugged. "You know how people talk…here and there." He leaned in close, cupping one side of his mouth saying, "You guys aren't exactly quiet, especially that night after the party…or so I've heard." He winked.

I froze. I started sweating and my heart started racing at the thought of people hearing me and Lexa…

"What people?" I shook him again, harder this time. He laughed, raising his finger, he said, "Well there's Echo, she lives in Washington Hall, a few doors down Lexa's room."

"A few doors down?" I shouted at him.

He raised another one and held back a laugh. "And then there's Octavia, she lives a floor down from you right?"

My mouth fell open and my hands dropped from his shoulders. _Oh my god…OH MY GOD!_

I covered my mouth with my hands and turned away from Monty and the huge grin on his face. My eyes were wide open as I remembered every word we shouted when we were…together.

 _Oh no, no, no no no nononononononononooooooooooooooooooo!_

I slumped in my seat, covering my face with my hands. _God why?_ I felt a hand on my shoulder and I peeked out from my hands. I looked up to see a body towering over me.

"You okay, Griffin?" I recognized the deep, raspy voice and sat up straight.

"You didn't forget to make the project did you?" Mr. Blake asked, he crossed his arms across his chest, his shirt tightening and showing his ridiculous muscles. My eyes fixed on his chest. _Impressive how a college professor could find the time to get ripped like that… hmm then again it must be in the genes, I mean have you seen his freshman little sister? That girl is just…_

I heard someone clear their throat and thoughts of my professor's sister disappeared in a puff of smoke. I flinched and saw Mr. Blake staring at me. _Does he know I was thinking about his sister? It was purely innocent admiration!_ He raised his eyebrows.

"Uh…" I glanced at Monty, he was staring right at his laptop then he stole a glance at me for a moment, widening his eyes at me.

I looked in front of me and started flipping through my binder. I took out a folded paper and handed it to Mr. Blake. He took it and stared at it for a minute, stealing glances at me and Monty once in a while.

He put down the paper and asked, "Where's Jordan?" He eyed the two of us. I looked at Monty and raised my eyebrows at him.

"Oh, he's out sick today Professor Blake. He uh…he's in bed with the flu." Monty smiled up at him.

I looked at Mr. Blake, he nodded and said, "With the flu, huh?" He chuckled. "Well, just make sure he's here when you make the final presentation."

He took the paper with him and turned around, walking back to the front of the room. Monty and I sighed and looked at each other.

"Is he okay?"

"Do you know where he is?"

We spoke at the same time. He started to say something but I held up my hand and said, "Wait, you don't know where he is?"

He closed his mouth and rubbed his chin.

"Well?" I asked.

"Let's just say the last I ever saw of any of you saw was at the party. Even Raven seemed to stop popping out of nowhere." He replied with a frown on his face. He was right, I really haven't seen them for the past few days now. My chest felt tight, I couldn't believe I've forgotten about my friends just like that.

My eyes fell to the ground, unable to look Monty in the eyes. After everything they did, helping me get together with Lexa. There I was living in nirvana with Lexa acting like nothing else in the world mattered.

Monty patted me on the shoulder. I looked up at him and he smiled. "Don't worry, Clarke. I'll find him." He reassured me.

I noticed everyone starting to stand up and leave the room. I looked around and caught Mr. Blake staring in our direction. He waved at us the paper I gave him and stuffed it into one of his folders. I gulped. He gathered his things and left the room. I turned to Monty and took a deep breath.

"Listen to me Monty," I said each word slowly to keep my voice steady. "We _need_ to finish this paper, okay? For all our sakes. Jasper sent me a text that he'll finish up his part of the paper _this_ week… that _last_ week."

"I didn't bust my ass and practically didn't eat or sleep for days just for nothing, and neither did you guys. So here's what's going to happen, you are going to go to his room and look for him, ask his roommate and his other friends if they've seen him around." He nodded.

"Then I am going to your usual hangouts and look for him and who knows maybe Raven will finally show up and I'll ask _her_ where she's been and maybe she can help us find Jasper." I continued laying out the plan.

We nodded at each other and started gathering our stuff. As we walked out of the room, I stopped in my tracks, Monty noticed so he stopped and turned around. I took a deep sigh and said, "And Monty…I'm sorry. I know, I've been _busy_ for the past week [JA1] because of… well, you know and I'm sorry about that and what happened with Octavia at the party, I really should've been there for him…" I paused. "But I'm glad you and Raven were though." I chuckled, remembering how he and Raven cheered Jasper up. He laughed and patted my shoulders.

"Thank the booze." He smiled

"And the brownies," I added. We smiled at each other and left the room.

We walked together in the hall, discussing reasons why Jasper would just suddenly go AWOL and not let even Monty know. We reached the open space of the quad. I suddenly remembered the last time this happened.

"No way! I was with him at the party all night and there was no girl," Monty protested.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "You were also seeing animals on the ceiling. I don't think your senses were very reliable that night Monty and come on, think about it, the signs are there. Disappearing, not telling you where he is and what he's doing. You guys are practically joined at the hip and the last time he cut himself off was—"

"Spring break," Monty interrupted me. He stopped walking and so did I.

"Yeah…" I frowned and clenched my jaw.

Monty looked right at me, eyes wide open. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to say something.

"I know where he is...I think." He bolted, bumping into people as he ran through the quad.

"Monty, wait!" I chased after him, holding my arms out to avoid the people in my way. When I lost sight of him, I stopped and looked around. He was gone.

"What the hell…" I kept looking but I saw no sign of him. I gave up and sighed. _Relax, Clarke. If someone knows how to find Jasper, it's Monty._ I decided to let him go and headed for Lexa's classroom.

* * *

 _"I'm outside."_

I texted Lexa. I looked up from my phone and glanced around. There was no one. I approached the doors of the room and peered inside through the glass windows. There was only one person inside, by the teacher's desk. It was Ms. Indra. She started walking toward the door and I pulled myself from the window as quickly as I could. I looked from side to side for a place to hide. There was a column to the far side and I ran towards it. I put my back against the column. I heard the door open then close. I waited for a few seconds, glanced to the side, when I saw no one I let out a sigh.

 _That was close…_ I skipped her class yesterday to have _lunch_ with Lexa and that project was due next week. I haven't even gotten around to writing a single line. I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back against the column. Then, I heard a faint laugh. It sounded familiar so I went to the direction where I thought it came from.

A few feet away, behind the building where Lexa's room was, were some picnic tables. There were people sitting and talking, some with books and notebooks spread on the table, and others eating.

I heard the laugh again and my head snapped to the direction it came from.

I was right, it was Lexa. She was talking to someone across from her in the table, she was facing towards me but hasn't noticed me yet. She was smiling and giggling. My heart started racing. I smiled and headed for her table. When I noticed the person she was talking to, I stopped in my tracks. I froze. _Fuck._ I thought the last place I wanted him was within a mile radius of me and now seeing this before me, something else just replaced that.

I wanted to run away but somehow my feet felt like they were stuck to the ground and I couldn't tear my eyes away from the person in front of Lexa.

"There she is!"

I stopped staring at the back of his head and looked at Lexa. She was grinning at me. She looked at the person and said, "She's the one I was talking to you about." Then she turned to me.

The person in front of her turned around. I clenched my jaw. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes welled up with tears.

"Clarke, this is Finn, my old project partner." Lexa motioned to him. I straightened myself and stared right back at him. "And Finn, this is Clarke," Lexa continued.

"Finn." I clenched my fists when I finally said it. His lips trembled when he said,

"Hey, princess."


	8. Remember Me 2

Clexa College AU (part 8: Remember Me 2)

"You two…know each other?"

My heart was beating so loud I could barely hear Lexa's words. I opened my mouth to answer her question but I choked on my words. I closed my mouth shut and swallowed. I looked away from Finn. Looking at him any second longer was threatening the tears to come out.

No one spoke. I couldn't think of anything to say, I closed my eyes and sighed. I opened my eyes and turned back to them. Lexa was blinking at me then at Finn who was now turned away from me. I looked at him for a second, stray hair had fallen down the side of his face. He didn't speak. I sighed again and clenched my jaw.

"We did." I said, "…a long time ago."

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed slightly, she blinked at me then her eyes went to Finn. She pursed her lips and moved her head in a way that I thought was a nod. She didn't speak and I felt a pain in my chest. I didn't want her to find out like this. I didn't want her to find out at all actually. I wished I could just leave this behind me. But the past always has a way of catching up.

"I see," she said with a small smile on her face, looking at nothing in particular.

When I couldn't take the silence that fell between the three of us, I stepped forward and started to say something but stopped when Lexa turned and got up from the bench, taking her bag with her.

My heart started beating fast again as she started towards me. I looked at her, searching her face for anything that might tell me what she felt about what she just found out. Her hand reached for mine and the other cupped my face. Relief washed over me as she tilted her head and smiled. She needed no further explanation. Maybe she understood that things between Finn and I weren't good or at least not settled yet. Though I knew there was a talk coming up soon.

She turned back to the picnic table and so did I. "I guess that's saves me further introduction," she said to Finn. He looked at us. "Yeah," he said. His eyes looked down at our hands. He turned away again but not before I could see a tear trickle down his cheeks.

He took his bag and got up. "I should go." He faced us and gave us a thin smile. "Nice seeing you again prin– Clarke."

I just stared at him. He stared back and waited for me to say the same out of courtesy but I didn't want to lie, not in front of Lexa. When I didn't speak, he nodded then looked at Lexa, giving her a smile and she smiled back. It was a little smile but it made me feel sorry – almost sorry for Finn at that moment. Lexa's smile was out of pity.

* * *

I looked at my phone to check the time. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling again. Somehow looking at the faded paint of the empty ceiling made me relax and start thinking about anything else than the homework I had on my desk. It had been hours since that awkward moment. Lexa insisted on walking me to my doorstep, holding my hand the whole way. I smiled and remembered how we kept bumping into each other because she walked so close to me. It was hard fishing for my keys in my bag and putting it in the keyhole with one hand though, and she seemed to enjoy my struggle as she couldn't stop giggling. When I managed to open the door, I stepped in but she held me back.

I turned around and saw her looking intently at me. I tugged her hand but she remained in place. I noticed that the smile on her face the whole way was now gone. She let go of my hand then kissed my cheek before turning to leave.

I got up and walked over to my bed and flopped on it. All the time she spent on my bed made her scent linger on the sheets. I regretted not dragging her inside my room hours ago. I wanted to think that she was wrong but she wasn't. I needed to be alone for now.

I turned to look at the ceiling, the fading light of the sun painted hues of red, violet, and orange over the boring white. It was nice, it didn't look so empty anymore. My hands twitched. _It's been awhile._ I sat up and looked outside at the setting sun. The sky was just a dark purple color now. I walked back over to my desk, opened the drawer and took out a drawing book. I flipped through the pages and saw my old work. I smiled down at them, they looked so familiar but at the same time so strange. I wasn't the same person who drew these anymore, not exactly. I wondered what the different me could do. I reached a blank page and grabbed a pencil.

* * *

"No."

"But why?!" I whined and held up my hands but retracted them when I almost hit a coed in the head. "Please Mr. Blake, can't you just deduct points for now?" I said to his back, trying to keep up with him while avoiding oncoming students in the hallway.

He stopped walking and turned around. I stopped too. Thank God, I didn't want to stare at his back muscles anymore, they were just begging to rip through his shirt. _Does this guy own anything his size? I mean seriously, does he not count his ripped muscles when he chooses clothing? And look at those pants! I can see every bulge—_

Mr. Blake cleared his throat. Our eyes met, he held my stare and raised his eyebrows, I looked away. _Oh my god, he can't tell I was checking him out – I mean admiring his impressive physique and doubting his clothing size choices, can he?_ I glanced back at him, he crossed his arms. I felt sorry for the stretched cloth. His chest muscles showed through again. They just want to be free.

"Since when did the meaning of 'no' turn into a 'maybe, if you could present a logical argument'?" He looked at me. "Incomplete group members means no presentation." Mr. Blake's voice was extra deep today.

All I could do was sigh and slump my shoulders. "Sorry I bothered you Mr. Blake." I turned around and started to walk away.

"Griffin."

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at him.

"You still have the rest of the week until you're scheduled to present. Unless your groupmates left the country, there's still time for you to find them." He paused. "They didn't, did they?" He frowned.

"I don't think so…" At this point, those two could be anywhere, but he doesn't need to know that.

He shook his head. "Three days. Good luck." He said. He gave me a small smile and went on his way. I turned in the opposite direction and started walking again, heading for the cafeteria.

Raven wasn't there , not even in the storage room. I left the campus and went to the diner. When I got there, I looked around but she wasn't there either. _That's weird, now that I think of it, I haven't seen her anywhere_. Then I remembered what Monty said the last time I saw him. I sat at the counter and ordered a milkshake and a plate of fries before I went to Raven's apartment.

* * *

I buzzed the button beside her nameplate. No answer. I buzzed again. Still nothing. I kept buzzing.

 _"What?"_ A faint, groggy voice spoke through the intercom. "I didn't order anything so just go away."

"It's me, Raven." She didn't respond for a moment.

"Go away Clarke," she said, "I don't ha—"

"I saw him," I interrupted. "I know he's back and I know you do too."

There was silence.

"Raven, we should talk. Please, can I come up? I come bearing gifts." I flinched. I hoped the desperation in my voice was clear enough. I waited for an answer then I heard a chuckle through the intercom. I smiled as I heard a long buzz. I opened the glass doors and went up to her apartment.

I reached her floor and walked down the hallway leading to her door. I paused and looked down at the welcome mat. I took a deep breath and went over the words I've been practicing while I was waiting for my order back at the diner. I knocked on the door and heard footsteps a few seconds later. The door swung open and it revealed a pajama-clad Raven.

I leaned back. Her hair was down, it was messy and tangled. It hung along the sides of her face and down past her shoulders.

"Come in." She stepped aside and it took me a second to move and enter Raven's apartment. I looked around, the living room furniture was put back to its original place at the center of the room. It wasn't the bar scene we had made it to look like for the party. It looked like someone was actually living here, and apparently that someone has not been cleaning up.

"Sorry for the mess," Raven apologized and started picking up paper boxes of take-out food and pizza lying around the coffee table near the sofa.

"No, leave it, Raven. It's fine," I said. She turned back to me. I gave her a smile and she returned it with a weak one. Her eyes were red and swollen. I looked away before she noticed me staring.

I started eyeing the sink full of dirty dishes and pans and felt my eye twitch when I heard her say, "Sit." My head jerked to face her. She raised her eyebrows at me.

I gave her a tight smile and walked towards the sofa where she was sitting. The spring of the sofa creaked as I sat down. I looked at her and she looked at me. I had the speech down just minutes ago and now, I just couldn't say a word.

"I'm sick, okay?" Raven sniffed.

"Really?" I raised one eyebrow at her. "You look like shit but it's not from a flu."

She looked away. I bit my lip. After a moment, I reached for her hands and squeezed them tight. She didn't look at me, but I saw her smile at our hands. I felt a tear drop on the back of my hand.

"Ra—"

She squeezed back and I didn't say anything more.

* * *

"My god is this the most overly dramatic movie, or what?" Raven scoffed and blew her nose into a tissue. We watched as the old wreckage of the once great ship transformed back into its old glory. The camera navigated through the ship and stopped at the staircase, and then the people smiling as if they didn't die horrible deaths just minutes before were shown for feels' sake. Their smiles and the movie's dramatic music escalated, totally not making Raven and me tear up or anything. As the camera panned from one least significant character to the other, it showed them looking up at the top of the staircase and then appeared the hero who had also died in the icy depths of the ocean. The camera panned out to show the heroine, joining at long last the hero for one final kiss. The end. Roll credits.

"Yeah…" I sniffed, "This is so," I sniffed again, "… overly dramatic." I could barely speak as the tears flowed and so did something else from my nose. Raven blew her nose again. She threw the tissue on the floor and it disappeared into the darkness below.

Raven handed me the box of tissues and I wiped my eyes and nose. I looked at the silhouette of her face, one side just barely illuminated by the light of her laptop screen. Even though she looked like a mess, still trying to deny tears from the end of the movie and belting out the ending song, she actually looked a lot better from the girl who opened her door to me just hours ago.

I joined her in the chorus, we shouted together at the top of our lungs.

Then we heard a buzz.

She stopped singing and sniffed again. "Ugh, who is it?" Raven got up from the couch as I took the laptop off the coffee table, put it on my lap and looked for another movie to watch. I heard a click and I flinched as the living room was flooded with light. Raven pushed the button on the intercom.

"Go away, we didn't order any pizza," she smirked at me and I chuckled.

I couldn't hear what the person on the other end said but whatever it was, it wiped the smirk off Raven's face.


	9. Earth Kills

Clexa College AU Part 9: Earth Kills

"Who is it Raven?" I put the laptop back on the coffee table and stood up.

Raven didn't answer so I walked across the room towards her. I put a hand on her shoulder and she flinched, which made me recoil my hand as if she was a hot kettle I touched without a potholder.

"Wha—," I started to say before her eyes darted to me and I saw the look in her eyes. She looked…flustered.

Oh. _It's him._

I froze.

It was one thing me seeing Finn but seeing Finn with Raven present? No way, not when she's like this, afraid of dealing with the demons in her past, one especially that she thought she would never hear from again, one that's downstairs right now, waiting to come up.

I saw the panic in Raven's eyes. Her hands were sweaty when she held my shoulders and said, "Wh-what is he doing here?"

I sighed and clenched my fists. I couldn't panic, not now. "Do you want to see him…?" I asked.

She gulped and furrowed her eyebrows. Her gaze went past me and after a second she shook her head slowly. Her eyes fell and she let go of my shoulders.

"It's okay." I laid my hand on her arm and squeezed. "…but you have to face him eventually."

She didn't raise her eyes, she just pushed past me and went back to the couch and flopped down. She raised her legs to her chin and hugged them.

I opened the door and left the apartment, Raven may not be ready to face her demon now, but I was.

I travelled downstairs the same as I had up a few hours ago, with a speech in mind but scared as hell to actually say it. I didn't think I was going to end up delivering it just like what happened with Raven. I got to the entrance of the apartment building. As I saw Finn's back through the glass doors I entered before, I thought, _fuck it._

He turned around as soon as I went through the doors. He frowned. He opened his mouth to say something but before he could, I beat him to the punch saying, "What're you doing here, Finn?" I spat his name out like it were olives mistakenly put into my pizza orders.

"Cla-Clarke? What are _you_ doing here?" He asked.

"I asked the question first." I stared him down.

"So what, you and Raven are best friends now?" He scoffed and ran his hand through his hair.

"You asshole." I shook my head and turned to go back inside. One more second of looking at him and I wasn't sure if I could hold back a punch.

"Look Clarke,"

"Things are still…complicated. I haven't seen her like this since you left and now you're back, just barging into our lives, thinking that we'll just be ready to… to…talk." I was starting to lose my words as the tears fought to come out.

"I just want to make things right...please just let me make things right." He slumped his shoulders, looking at me with his sad brown eyes.

I looked at him, really looked at him. The way he stood made him seem smaller somehow. He had dark circles under his eyes and an unshaven face. I thought back to what happened and how hard it was for me, especially for Raven but I never really thought or wanted to think about how Finn felt about everything. How the guilt must have destroyed him, the guy I knew who always did the right thing, the guy who never hurt anybody. I guess I just wanted to hate him. It was easier that way than accepting that what he did to Raven, he did for me.

"Go," I finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"Clarke please," Finn begged.

"You want to make things right? You can do that by never showing your face around Raven again." His shoulders slumped even lower than they were already. A hopeless look was on his face when he turned to leave. It would've been so easy if I could just watch him walk away and never come back but he wasn't the only one who wanted to make things right.

I grabbed his shoulder, he faced me and I said, "Just…just not until she's ready."

It took him a moment but he nodded. I gave him a small smile and he left. As I watched him walk away, I let out a breath, the air from my mouth visible in the cold.

"Shit, why do I always forget to bring my jacket." I grumbled, wrapping my arms around me as I went back up to my friend's apartment.

* * *

"Clarke, wake up."

I groaned as I turned in the bed and covered my face with a blanket.

" _Wake. Up_. Your phone has been ringing non-stop. It's annoying."

I groaned again and ignored Raven. Sleep was too good, too comfortable. I didn't hear any more from Raven. _That's better, now what was I dreaming about? Oh yes, Lexa's moaning when I –_

I felt the pillow pulled from under me and my head bumped onto the floor. "Ow!" I yelled. "What the hell?! That hurt!"

"Oh, please. There's a carpet," Raven said, invalidating my pain.

I was now fully awake and sporting an ever growing bump on the back of my head, which I was gently massaging. Raven looked down and saw me pouting. "I made breakfast."

I narrowed my eyes at her, still massaging the bump on my head. She raised her eyebrows at me. It was a few seconds before I rolled my eyes and stood up. She chuckled as she went in the kitchen and I followed. Guess the breakfast was apology enough. But my dream was really getting good though…

On the countertop, there were sausages on one plate and scrambled eggs on another. There was even orange juice in two glasses beside the food. "Woow, it looks good! And are those freshly squeezed? Here I thought you only ate take out and pizza and beer and somehow keep that body of yours." I said as I forked one of the sausages and ate it.

Raven scoffed. "If you're gonna say that I'm sexy, Griffin, just say it."

"Er, nerr wegh," I tried to say "no way" but the food in my mouth made it hard to form actual words.

"Stuffing your face again I see." Raven shook her head. I shrugged and ate another sausage and drank a sip of my orange juice. She chuckled and walked over to the microwave and opened it. I gasped as I saw what she took out of it.

"Feast-sandwich!" I squealed.

"Jesus, you'd think you were a 5 year-old girl." She handed me the plate and I almost cried. I sniffed and looked at my awesome best friend. She leaned on the sink, smiling at me. "For the sleepover."

"Aww?" I put a hand on my chest, giving her a puppy dog look that made her roll her eyes. "Ugh, don't."

I snorted and put the feast-sandwich on the countertop and approached her. "No, Clarke do –," Raven's protest was cut short as I pulled her in for a hug. She was tense but I didn't let go and after a few seconds, she hugged me back and leaned her head on my shoulder. I heard her say a muffled " _thanks"._

We pulled away from each other when suddenly, I heard a phone ring. It was my ringtone. "She's calling again," Raven sniffed and rubbed her eyes. She walked over to the countertop and got herself some breakfast.

"She…you mean Lexa?! How long has she been trying to reach me and why didn't you tell me earlier?" I held up my hands in the air.

"I guess I wanted you all to myself?" Raven shrugged. I couldn't help but smile. I shook my head and ran out of the kitchen to answer the call. I caught it before the call ended and answered, "Hello! Lexa, I'm here!"

"Clarke!"

"Monty?" I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. The contact photo does not lie. "Oh…hey…Monty." I greeted but unable to mask the disappointment in my voice.

"I'm glad to hear you from you too, Clarke." Monty deadpanned.

"I'm sorry Monty, it's just Raven said Lexa has been calling me and—"

"You're at Raven's place?" He piped up.

"Uh yeah, I slept o—"

"How is she? Is she good?" I let out a breath as Monty interrupted me again, speaking all too fast.

"Yeah, she—"

"Good, because I found Jasper and I need you guys to come with me."

* * *

"This is where you found Jasper?" I asked Monty, giving him a doubtful look. "Are you sure?" I gestured to the doors of Wallace Hall, where Raven and I met him twenty minutes after he called. I was already regretting my decision not to take my sandwich with me. I didn't even to get a bite! Even in its next life we were separated much too soon.

I sighed and put my sandwich thoughts away and focused on our retrieval mission. I scanned my surroundings. Wallace Hall was on elevated ground, providing an especially nice view of the campus and also earning the hall the nickname of "the mountain". I snickered at the silly nickname. I turned to Monty, he was looking at his watch when he said, "Shouldn't be too long now."

"What are we waiting for?" Raven asked impatiently.

"Are we waiting for someone? Maybe your informant or something?" I asked. "Was this person the one who gave you Jasper's whereabouts, and are we meeting them to get a yellow envelope full stolen shots of him all over campus? You know, P.I. style," I added, widening my eyes at Monty and Raven, excited of the possibility of one of those sketchy information trades like they do in the movies.

They both looked at me, each raising one eyebrow in silent judgement. I shrugged. "What? It could be fun..." I crossed my arms and looked away.

"Few more minutes, you'll see," Monty gave me a tight-lipped smile then went back to glancing around.

I looked at the entrance of the hall. "I don't think I should be here," I mumbled, remembering what Lexa mentioned before. The path to this hall was a shortcut between my dorm and Lexa's. I used to always pass by here when I go to her dorm to save time. I noticed when she came over to my dorm, she always took longer. I asked her about it once, casually of course, didn't want to give her over-attached girlfriend vibes or anything. She shrugged and said, "Just don't want to be anywhere near the mountain, you know?"

At the time, I dismissed it as another weird Washington-Wallace dorm resident feud thing. I didn't think Lexa was the kind of person to partake in immature, traditional rivalry, reasons of which has been conveniently lost through the years. But the fact that in all the time I have spent with her, I haven't seen her blatantly judge or mention anything else about the "mountain men" aside from that one thing made me think there was something more to it.

Thinking about it was starting to give me a bad feeling. I was thankful when Monty interrupted my thoughts, saying, "They're here, hide!"

"Wait, they? So there's two PI's?" I looked around to see who Monty meant but he didn't answer. He grabbed me and Raven and dragged us behind bulletin board kiosk near us.

Monty peeked from the side, then he drew his head back and leaned against the bulletin board. "They didn't see us. " He sighed in relief.

"Who's _they_?" Raven asked. She calmly stepped away from our hiding place to look at who Monty was hiding us from.

"Raven! They'll see you!" Monty whispered in panic. Raven didn't listen, Monty reached for her but she held out her hand. Monty paused. "Relax, Monty. They won't see us. They can't even take their eyes off each other." Raven scoffed. I decided to come out of hiding and see who we were hiding from. They obviously weren't PI's. Aw, there goes our sketchy info trade.

I stepped beside Raven. She nodded at the direction of a couple a few feet from where we were. They really were all over each other. I doubt they would notice us even if we were in front of them. I glanced to Monty who was still hiding. "Come look."

He hesitated for a moment but soon peeked from over Raven's shoulder. Monty's eyes followed Jasper and this girl he was with. They were holding hands and talking to each other, laughing once in a while. Monty scowled.

"Come on, let's say hi." Raven smiled at me. I recognized that mischievous look in her eyes.

"Raven, no." I narrowed my eyes at her. She grinned at me.

"Raven, yes." She said and walked off. I raised my head and sighed heavily. Monty pushed past me, following Raven. I held up my hands in exasperation. _I should really be used to this by now_. I caught up with my friends and grabbed their shoulders to stop them. They turned to me. "So what's the game plan here?" I asked.

"Walk up to them and say hi?"

"Break that girl's mind control and get _my_ Jasper back?"

Raven and Monty spoke at the same time but as Monty's words registered in our minds, Raven and I threw looks at him.

"Well?" He asked us, expectantly. Raven and I shared a look then turned back to him. "Come on, I know which room they went to."

He walked ahead, motioning for us to follow. Flights of stairs later, we were walking through a hallway on the third floor of Wallace Hall. We stayed a few steps behind Monty.

Raven nudged me with her elbow. "Did I miss something while I was you know…sick?" Raven whispered and gave me a questioning look. I shrugged at her. "I was kind of busy." I gave her a sheepish smile. She faced forward, murmuring, "Guess we were all busy."

Ahead of us, Monty stood outside the third door on the left. When we reached him, Raven asked, "Are you sure this is it? How'd you know?"

"You'd be surprised how much you find out about someone's comings and goings after just following them for a few hours." Monty said, not looking away from the door.

"You _followed_ them? You didn't do some fancy hacker thing to track these two down?" I joked. Monty looked at me seriously. "You know I don't use my skills for evil, Clarke."

Raven chuckled. "And what you did to Murphy wasn't evil?"

Monty just shrugged, smirking. "He deserved it." Raven and I laughed but Monty turned his attention back at the door. Suddenly, the door in front of us swung open. Jasper's hair was messy, even more than usual. He was shirtless, wearing only boxer shorts. Jasper was frozen and I couldn't help but notice his boxers. _Huh, didn't think Jasper was the cute-patterns-on-underwear kind of guy_. None of us spoke. I expected Monty to say something but he didn't. He was just as speechless as all of us but I saw that it wasn't from surprise.

Jasper's eyes were wide with shock. Everything was still for a moment until Raven suddenly pushed him to the side and stepped into the room. Inside I saw a girl on the bed, her hair was messy too but she was still fully clothed.

"Hey there!" Raven waved. "I'm Raven."

Jasper shrieked and reached for Raven but she held up her hand, making him stop. She stepped further into the room and glanced around, finally stopping at a coat rack. There hanging was her red jacket. She took it, saying, "Been looking everywhere for you!" She flashed us all a grin. I rolled my eyes and stepped inside.

"I'm so so sorry for the interruption, carry on..." I gestured around the room, "with this…" I grabbed Raven's arm and smiled apologetically at Jasper then at the girl on his bed. Pushing Raven out the room, I passed a still speechless Jasper. Once we were out, I apologized again, mouthing the words _I'm sorry_ to him. His shoulders slumped and he looked away, closing the door on us.

I sighed and leaned against the hallway wall, watching Raven sniff her jacket and grimace. I turned to Monty. He had his hands inside his pockets and was looking at nowhere in particular with a blank look on his face. "Monty…?" I asked.

Without looking at me, he said, "Well he's not missing anymore. Guess we're good for Blake's presentation."

"Yeah…" I stepped closer to him, "Hey, Monty, is everything cool with—"

"I think I'm gonna go. Lots of homework," he gave me a thin smile, "See you in class for the presentation." He waved then walked away. I wanted to go after him but something told me not to. That look on his face earlier… I don't think he missed the girl on his best friend's bed or the fact that we obviously interrupted something. _Is he really that bothered by this?_

This isn't just sudden disappearances and failure to tell best friends their whereabouts but something else entirely.


	10. Earth Skills

Clexa College AU (Part 10: Earth Skills)

I was walking behind Raven. She had her jacket over her shoulder, just walking straight ahead, not even phased by what we all saw. I guess she was all too busy checking if her jacket was still wearable. _Why?_ I thought. Not about Raven and her jacket, it was her favorite after all, but Monty… and that look.

 _Could it be that Monty is…jealous?_ I chuckled and smiled to myself. _No way, I mean… why would he be? As a "bro" to Monty, he should be supportive about it, right?_

"Something on your mind, Clarke?" Raven's question interrupted my thoughts. I shook my head and asked, "Do you think...no…what do you think happened back there?"

"Mm, what do you mean?" she raised her eyebrows at me. I stared at her big brown eyes as if the words I wanted to say were there. _How did I get so out of touch with own best friends? I used to be able to tell almost exactly what they were thinking. Now I can't even tell what's going on with them._

Raven snapped her fingers in front of me and I flinched. She put her hands on my shoulders and asked, "Hey, don't space out on me now."

I sighed. I was too hungry to think. "Wanna finish breakfast at your place?" I looked at her.

She gave me a small smile and wrapped an arm around me. "Sure."

As we started walking down the hall, I couldn't help think that I've been a bad friend to Jasper and Monty. I've never seen Monty like that. He always had this serious look in his face even when he was messing around with Jasper, one of the reasons why they got away with almost anything. But that look back there…I just couldn't shake it.

* * *

I leaned back on Raven's lumpy couch, making myself comfortable. My stomach was full and my energy was up. A good breakfast really does wonders for me. "Thanks, for the breakfast." I looked over to Raven who was sitting on the floor, drinking the last of the orange juice.

She gave me a thumbs up while she downed her drink.

I smiled at her and she smiled back. She put down the glass on the coffee table slowly, giving me an amused look. I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Um… shouldn't you be going?" She wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "Don't you have class?"

I frowned and sighed heavily. "God, I wish I could stay here forever."

Raven chuckled. "Just move in already." She stood up and gathered the plates where our bountiful breakfast used to be.

I laughed. "I can't afford to pay you half the rent. I'm stuck with campus housing." Raven's lumpy couch was suddenly inviting me to lie down completely so I did. I really did wish I could stay here and just leave what's waiting for me at school behind. The studio type apartment was so open and spacious. I felt like I could breathe here, unlike my dorm room where I've been feeling so closed-in and trapped since the semester began but…

That's when I remember Lexa. I shot up straight and got off the couch. My heart started beating fast again as I crossed the room into the kitchen where Raven was washing the dishes. I picked up my phone and see that she's called two times. It must've been when we were eating breakfast in the living room.

Raven turned around and leaned on the sink. "Girlfriend?"

"She's not…I mean we haven't talked about it yet." I didn't look up from the screen, making sure I greet her the moment she picked up. The ringing calmed my heart beat and I convinced myself that she's not worried or at least a bit irritated that I haven't called back her many missed calls. Lexa didn't give off the clingy vibes…not even subtle ones. She never worries when I don't text back for a long time, never asks where I've been if I'm late for a meet up with her. She doesn't have to of course, and she really has nothing to worry about but I can't help but feel a little disappointed though.

"Clarke!" Lexa finally answered and I can hear the smile in her voice. I was about to greet her when Raven interrupted me and shouted, "Good morning, Lexaaaa."

"Dude!" I shouted back at Raven only to be met with a laugh as she turned back to the dishes.

"Who was that?" Lexa asked, her tone changing.

I laughed but it sounded more nervous than I wanted it to. "Oh no, that was just Raven." I swallowed, suddenly feeling anxious. "I spent the night in her place."

"Oh, I see…"

"I should've called," I said quickly. "I'm really sorry." There was nothing to be guilty about but here I am. Lexa hasn't said anything yet but I feel it. I was just thinking that I wanted Lexa to be a little clingy but I haven't even given her the chance.

I didn't hear anything from Lexa for a few seconds. _Hello, anxiety. My old friend._

"Lexa, I'm so sorry. Like really sorry. You have no idea. I wanted to call you but Raven and I were watching a movie and we just got lost in it and then I fell asleep on floor and Raven made me breakfast and next thing I knew Monty called and we were at Wallace Hall…"

"Clarke—" Lexa interrupted.

"I know, I know. We were just there for Jasper and she was with this girl and Monty suddenly got weird and we left immediately. We didn't stay."

"Clarke!"

"I know you have a thing about that place so I—"

It wasn't that I realized I was talking like there's no tomorrow and that Lexa wouldn't even understand anything I was saying that made me shut up.

"Hey, I've never heard you raise your voice before."

She laughed. Hearing that sound again after almost a day away from her was comforting. I bit my lip, trying to keep down what I was feeling bubbling inside me. I feel like I was under her intense stare even if she wasn't even in the room. I feel like that time in the party when she was staring at me, trying to talk but failing miserably. Curse her for making me feel like I would explode. I missed her. She should be illegal.

"I think we should talk." She said. What she said would've put the fear of God in me but the muffled sounds of laughter I hear from her excited me instead. I can't wait to talk to her again.

"After your class with Ms. Indra?"

"Sure."

"Okay." I was smiling like an idiot. I heard her hum and I knew she was smiling too. We didn't speak for a moment. The silence was like us holding hands, not ending the call was like not letting go. I opened my mouth to speak when she said the exact words I've been wanting to hear from her.

"I missed you."

I smiled as I let the words sink in. After a moment I spoke.

"I love you."

I heard a something shatter, making me jolt from the sudden sound.

"What…?" Lexa said. She said it slowly, unsure of what she just heard me say. My heart started beating so fast and not in a good way. My eyes went to the broken pieces of what was once a plate. I slowly looked at the person who killed the poor plate. Raven was looking at me, her jaw slacked open, dish towel on one hand.

I froze. _What the fuck did I just say._

"Nothing! I have to go! Raven broke a plate and now she's bleeding! She might die! See you after my class!" I spoke too fast and too loud at my phone but my mind was going crazy and all I could do was end the call and slam my phone down on the counter.

"Oh my god," I breathed out.

"Oh my god!" Raven screamed. "You…what?"

"WHAT THE FUCK." I screamed into the ceiling.

Did I just ruin everything?

* * *

Raven and I left her place and went back to campus together. At first we walked silently which made it even more awkward. It was plain as day that I blurted out that confession and she probably thought that I don't even know how to explain it to myself let alone to her. I was grateful for the silence but I also kind of wished she would crack a joke and try to pretend everything was normal.

Suddenly she giggled. I looked at her, she was holding back a laugh and shaking her head.

I stopped walking and said, "Okay, just say it."

Raven couldn't hold it in any longer and she laughed, so hard that tears started falling from her eyes. I groaned and covered my face which made her laugh even more. A part of me wanted to hide under a rock and never come out but another part liked seeing her laugh so carelessly, even if it was in my expense. I couldn't help but laugh at myself too.

When she finally calmed down, she hugged me. "Thank you, Clarke."

"What for?" I asked but she just rested her head on my shoulder. She hugged me tighter so I wrapped my arms around her, fully accepting the hug.

After a moment she broke away, holding me by my shoulders. She looked intently at me. Her eyes, such a rich color of brown. The area around them weren't as swollen anymore. She looked better than when I first saw her yesterday. She was beautiful. I've always thought so from the moment I first saw her. In that moment I could almost ignore the guy she was making out with was the same one who just told me he loved me the night before.

"Thank you for loving Lexa." She gave me the sweetest smile I've ever seen on her face. I was stunned. No words came out and I wasn't sure I even had words to give to her. I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just smiled back and nodded.

She started walking again and I followed suit. I looked at her and saw that she had a peaceful look on her face. I've been so used to her nonchalant or mischievous looks that seeing this one was a nice change. We continued the rest of the walk in silence only this time it wasn't awkward anymore. I still have to understand what she meant by what she said though.

Just before we parted, me off to my dorm before meeting Lexa and her to her class, she said, "Good luck on your presentation."

"It's not until next week." I responded.

She just nodded and then smiled. Something about the way she said it made me uneasy. "Diner after we wow Blake with our presentation?" I asked. I didn't know why but I really wanted her to say she'll be there. She just winked and waved goodbye. I watched her walk away for a few seconds until I went off to my dorm.

I entered my room and flop down on my bed. It's about this time when Lexa's class starts. I still had time till we meet up and somehow explain to her I didn't just tell her I love her. I didn't want to take it back…I just didn't think I was going to blurt it out like that. I looked over to my desk and saw that book Ms. Indra gave me. _I think it's about time to get started on that…after I take a shower._

The fresh feeling after my shower was just what I needed to get started on Ms. Indra's project. I started reading the works in the anthology that I didn't read the last time. I thought I found the best one which was from a guy named Lincoln. I mulled over the name of the author and realize that this is the guy Octavia Blake is dating. _She's got great taste,_ Ithought to myself.

It was a short story about a young boy born in a harsh world, it tried to break him but in the end he overcame everything that was thrown at him and resisted the world that had been trying to turn him into a monster.

Not to be biased but the second best was the poem that Lexa wrote, the one she titled 'Weakness'. I didn't read the whole poem before. Focusing all my attention on it now, I read it from start to finish. I felt my heartbeat quicken its pace again. When I first read it, I didn't know Lexa at all. It's still like peeking into a window into her life and seeing unfamiliar things but now that I have spent time with her, I realized something that popped the bubble of bliss I've been in ever since the first night with Lexa.

I knew her class schedule better than my own. I knew that she prefers to not speak in between meals because she think talking makes the experience of eating different and therefore making the food taste different. I knew that she sleeps on her side facing the window because she wants the night sky to be the last thing she sees when she falls asleep. I knew that she has a birthmark at the back of her neck and that she's ticklish there. I knew that she has an inexplicable love for candles.

All I knew about her was what I've seen during our time together, what she's told me, what she's allowed me to know. I've been too caught up with her presence in my life to actually notice that she hasn't told me anything _about_ her, even her past. I know absolutely nothing about that part of her life. And she knows nothing of mine.

When I reached the end of the poem, I knew that it was finally time to tell Lexa everything. I put off making the project for one more day. I wouldn't be able to think about anything else other than really getting to know Lexa. I checked the time again and I got up from my desk chair to get dressed.

* * *

I arrived outside of Lexa's classroom five minutes early. I peeked through the window to make sure the students were still inside. I texted Lexa where I was. A few minutes later, students started coming out of the room. I was excite to see Lexa's face again but anxious to face her. I steeled myself. I'm ready to tell her everything. I just hope she feels the same way.

It wasn't long until I see her beautiful face again. I grinned at her and she did the same. A sense of relief came over me. Maybe she didn't hear what I accidentally said to her in the call after all. Or maybe she did and just shook it off so she doesn't embarrass me?

Or...she feels the same way. My heart started racing at the thought.

She greeted me with a kiss on the cheek as her hand travelled down my arm to give my hand a squeeze. So naturally graceful, she just leaves me in awe of everything she does. I laced my fingers with hers as I said, "Hey."

She chuckled. "Is it just me or does it feel like I haven't seen you longer than we've actually been apart?"

I smiled at her. "It's not just you." She nodded and a smile spread across her face. With her hand in mine, I started walking and she followed. She was acting normal and hasn't brought up anything about the call so I just walked with her in silence. I had no particular destination in mind but I knew that I loved the feeling of walking around holding her hand, it might be my favorite thing about spending time with her. I asked how her class was as we continued walking. She recounted the interesting points in Ms. Indra's lecture with enthusiasm. This was one of her favorite classes and although I didn't share the same sentiment as she did, seeing her eagerness had me listening to every word.

She then started to talk about everything that I missed since we last spoke. She seemed even more animated in telling me about everything. It almost seemed like she'd been waiting to share even the tiniest detail of what she's been up to. It was so cute and I had to resist the urge to kiss her whenever she made a face or waved her hands in the air.

So immersed in our conversation, we didn't realize that we reached a part of the campus that was a midpoint between her dorm and mine. We sometimes met there whenever we came from our dorms and were about to go somewhere.

"Your room or mine?" she asked. I couldn't help but laugh when she wiggled her eyebrows.

"You missed me that much, huh? I said as I rest my arms on her shoulders. Her hands went to my waist, pulling me closer. I don't remember ever needing her body pressed against mine this much before.

"Are you kidding?" She planted a kiss on the corner of my lips first then on my jaw until she reached my neck. "Yes…" She breathed out. I almost didn't hear it. The softness of her voice made my heart swell but the need in it also excited me.

I couldn't even care less that we were in public. I wanted to kiss her so bad and I would've if only there wasn't something more pressing we needed to do. It took all of me to put some distance between us. She didn't protest and as soon as I saw the look in her eyes I knew she was thinking the same thing. We needed to talk. About whatever I may or may not have said to her this morning and the last time she we saw each other and Finn and whatever else there was.

"Let's go to your room." I said with a playful wink.

"Mm, okay." She agreed, giving me a light kiss on the lips. We held each other's hands again as we made our way to her room.

Washington Hall was in the most wooded area of the campus. A lot of people usually hung out there under the shade of the trees, some even having picnics. I've always wanted to have one with Lexa but the possibility of a wild frat boy appearing and gawking at us was discouraging. One time I met Lexa just outside the entrance of the building and I greeted her with a kiss. We heard whistling in the distance and I instantly felt disgusted and annoyed when I saw where it came from. However, the most amazing thing happened, I saw the jerks stop laughing and the smirks disappear from their faces. I turned to Lexa and she had a look in her face that could freeze fire. I looked from her to the three guys and saw them scamper off. That was the deadliest and coldest stare I've ever seen from her or from anyone.

I was so turned on and scared at the same time, it was confusing. But I did know that I would never want to be at the receiving end of that stare.

We reached her door and she opened it. The room was as neat as I remembered it. The bed made and the desk clean, even the various posters scattered on the walls looked like there was an arrangement to them, like she had put a lot of thought where each one should go. She crossed the room and placed her bag on her chair and her binder on her desk, then going to her closet. I sat on the bed and watched her. I've always noticed that there was a certain calmness about her when she was in her own space.

Outside of this room, her confidence and air of mystery would intimidate you. Now here in her room, there was nothing daunting about her.

She took off her top and threw it on the hamper. She glanced over shoulder to smile at me. "Do you want to change? I can find something for you," she offered.

I shook my head and she nodded, turning back to her closet. I took off my shoes and raised my feet off the floor, crossing my legs under me. I observed her quietly as she dug around in her clothes. She finally found something suitable and put it on. It was a loose white shirt. _God even a simple white shirt looked good on her._

As she approached the bed, I moved back so she could climb in with me. She leaned in and kissed me. As I pulled her closer, she licked my lower lip, making me open my mouth to touch my tongue with hers.

 _Oh my god yes...but no. Remember why you're here Clarke!_ I groaned, trying to remind her too. She hummed in agreement. As if trying to get as much as she can before our very important and much needed talk, she kissed me as hard as she could. It must've been the hardest thing I had to do to not pull her onto my lap.

I was out of breath when she finally pulled away. Her arms still around my neck, she had a misty look in her eyes.

"What?" I asked.

She repositioned herself a little further away from me. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked down at her hands. I reached over to touch her, to encourage her words but still she was looking down at her hands. Everything was silent and minutes passed until I asked, "Lexa?"

"Were you in love with him?" She looked up at me.

The question surprised me. I couldn't speak. She raised her eyebrows expectantly but I still couldn't answer her. Has she been thinking about this since that day she left me in my dorm? Or the moment she saw the look in my face when I saw Finn?

"I…" I started.

The look in her eyes made me think that she already knew the answer while still hoping for me to prove her wrong.

"I think I did," I finally said. I tried to smile at her but I could feel tears start to come.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Raven."

She frowned in confusion.

"Or in Raven's case, I happened." I laughed. "Finn, cheated on her with me."

"Oh, Clarke." Maybe it was finally telling Lexa about it that made the tears I've been trying to fight back come or maybe it was the way she said my name as she touched my face. So softly and full of sadness, it was like she felt as hurt as I was. She wiped the tears away while I let myself really think about everything that happened.


End file.
